Do You Know How to Endure Grief?
WHEN the cold hand of death reaches into a person’s family and snatches away his mate or some other loved one, the shock of loss can be the severest emotional blow of his life. Many have found grief so difficult to endure that they have suffered sleepless nights, empty days and a feeling of not knowing how to go on, especially if the one lost is a mate. This is a time when it is essential to know how to endure grief.
It is not necessary to keep grief bottled up inside, hiding it behind a stoic exterior. The emotional pressure this builds up may greatly increase the difficulty of enduring it. There is nothing wrong with releasing that pressure by expressing sorrow and the feeling of loss. By permitting a natural outflow of emotion, but not to the extent of losing self-control, a person often feels better.
At the time the Bible patriarch Abraham lost his beloved wife Sarah he did not bottle up his grief in himself. He released it by weeping. (Gen. 23:2) So also did the Israelite king David when his son Absalom was slain. The Bible record states: “Then the king became disturbed and went up to the roof chamber over the gateway and gave way to weeping; and this is what he said as he walked: ‘My son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! O that I might have died, I myself, instead of you, Absalom my son, my son!’” (2 Sam. 18:33) Here was the deep grief felt by a father over the loss of a beloved son.
David did not grieve indefinitely. He knew that the living cannot bring the dead back to life, so they must adjust their life to continue without their dead loved ones. Although David cherished his memories of his son, his grief would have been more difficult to bear if he had closed out the world around him and retreated within himself, striving to live in an imaginary world with his son.
Many persons have come to realize that they keep the emotional wound open if they try to live in a world of memories. Some persons do this by keeping a house for many years looking just as it was when their loved one was living. Those who prolong their grief in this manner vainly attempt to live in the past, instead of realizing that much happiness can be theirs if they will live for the future. The loved one a person has lost would have wanted the survivor to make the necessary adjustments so as to have a happy and productive life. It is wise to make those adjustments.
The bereaved person is certain to be keenly aware of the gap left by the loss of a loved one, but the painful feeling of loss can be lessened by trying to fill that gap with constructive activities. Unselfishly doing helpful things for other distressed people has proved successful with many people who have lost their mates. It has helped them to get their minds off themselves. Perhaps the greatest barrier to enduring grief is the tendency of a person to dwell upon what he personally lost by the death of his loved one. Thinking about how lonely he now is and the things he must now do that his loved one had done for him makes his grief difficult to bear. But, getting his mind off himself and on what he can do for other people, he will find that his emotional wound can heal and the gap in his life can gradually fill in. There is much a person can do to make his life worthwhile if he will think of others, having love for them as he would like them to have love for him.
The truths of God’s written Word are a great source of comfort for a bereaved person, giving him a purpose in life. They can remove the apprehension he might feel from not knowing what has become of his loved one. Through the Bible the Creator of life tells him what happens to a person who ceases to live and it tells him what the hope is for that person to have life once again.
Because of that wonderful hope, a Christian does not need to have the bitter sorrow experienced by those who do not know what the great Life-giver has said about the dead or who lack faith in him because of unbelief. This dependable information does much to lessen the pains of grief. “Moreover, brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” (1 Thess. 4:13) Like the apostle Paul, he can put his trust in “God who raises up the dead.”—2 Cor. 1:9.
For those who have gained a knowledge of what Jehovah God has put into his written Word, the Holy Bible, for the benefit and comfort of mankind, the unselfish service of instructing others in God’s Word can be an important factor in helping them endure grief. This good spiritual activity can help fill the gap death has left in their lives. It will keep their minds occupied with unselfish and upbuilding activity. It will give them a substantial reason for carrying on.
Those who grieve can find strength in God by turning to him in prayer. No matter what anyone might say, God should not be blamed for the loss of a loved one. By learning from the Scriptures the reason for death and the hope for the dead to live again, a bereaved person has reason to express appreciation to him. This knowledge removes the terrifying and depressing feeling that there is no hope. (Ps. 46:1) It helps immeasurably in the endurance of grief.
With the hope that God’s Word gives, a bereaved person can more easily adjust his life so he can carry on without his loved one. He will be grateful that his loved one tasted life and that he was able to contribute to the happiness of it. He will be thankful that God has lovingly provided for the resurrection of the dead.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Beware of the Hardening Effects of Sin
MANY persons today scoff at the term “sin.” They hold the same as do the Buddhists, namely, that an act is wrong only if it harms oneself or another. Thus they hold that fornication, if it does not harm those engaging in it, is not wrong.
But the Word of God proves them mistaken on two counts. On the one hand, it makes plain that as the Creator and universal Sovereign, Jehovah God has the right to dictate to man what is right and what is wrong. He is man’s King, Lawgiver and Judge. (Isa. 33:22) Therefore, to go contrary to his law is to “miss the mark,” which is what the word “sin,” as used in the Bible, literally means. And on the other hand, since the Creator not only has all authority, but is also omniscient, all-wise, as well as loving, and so knows what is best for mankind, to violate his laws not only is wrong and bad, but is bound to bring harm, eventually if not immediately.
Among the things that make it plain that going against God’s laws is wrong is the hardening effect of sin. Take, for example, our first parents, Adam and Eve. Because Jehovah God had explicitly forbidden them to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and bad, their doing so constituted sin. Did it have a hardening effect upon them? It most certainly did.
When asked by his Maker if he had eaten of the forbidden fruit, Adam callously blamed both God and his wife, saying: “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree and so I ate.” In effect he said, ‘She gave me the fruit; she is to blame. And so are you, God, for you, in the first place, gave this woman to be my wife.’ How lonely he had been before God gave him Eve! When he at last received her, he exclaimed, “This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” But now Eve was “the woman whom you gave to be with me.” And Eve, instead of expressing sorrow and showing repentance, likewise tried to shift the blame, to the serpent.—Gen. 2:23; 3:1-19.
No question about it, their sinning had a hardening effect upon the hearts and consciences of these first two sinners. And did it work harm to them? It most certainly did, bringing them unhappiness, sorrow, suffering and death.
Cain, their firstborn son, likewise illustrated the principle that sin hardens. Out of envious hatred he had murdered his brother Abel. When Jehovah God asked him where his brother was, did he feel sorrow or regret? No, but hardheartedly he replied: “I do not know. Am I my brother’s guardian?” He not only betrayed hardened indifference but also lied, showing utter disregard for the truth. Cain’s sin also worked harm to himself, for he was separated from his family and ever after had a guilty conscience.—Gen. 4:8-16.
KING SAUL AND JUDAS THE APOSTLE
And then there was the first king of Israel, Saul. He so allowed an envious hatred to take possession of him that to murder David became the consuming passion of his life. How hard this made him can be seen from the fact that he ordered the slaying of the entire priestly community at Nob, eighty-five priests together with all their families. And why? All because their head priest had befriended David, not knowing that David was fleeing from the wrath of Saul. How his hatred of David had hardened his heart! No respect for Jehovah’s priesthood! No regard for the lives of the priests nor of their families! In the end it cost Saul his kingdom and his life.—1 Sam. 21:1-9; 22:6-23; 31:1-6.
Judas Iscariot, one of the apostles of Jesus, furnishes another example. He must have had a good heart to begin with or Jesus would not have chosen him. But then he let selfishness take over. He hardened his heart by a practice of sin, stealing from the treasury of Jesus’ group, the money box being in his charge. Thus it appears that when Jesus approved of the costly ointment being used to anoint him, to which Judas had strenuously objected, Judas went out and betrayed his Master for thirty pieces of silver. Further indicative of his hardness of heart was his brazenly asking, “It is not I, is it?” when Jesus said that one of the twelve would betray him. How that sin harmed him! It made him a suicide with no hope of a resurrection.—Matt. 26:6-25; John 12:3-8; 17:12.
That sin hardens, the Word of God also makes clear in so many words: “Here is the way of an adulterous woman: she has eaten and has wiped her mouth and she has said: ‘I have committed no wrong.’” “Did they feel shame because it was something detestable that they had done? . . . they positively do not feel any shame; . . . they have not come to know even how to feel humiliated.” Yes, “the unrighteous one was knowing no shame.”—Prov. 30:20; Jer. 6:15; Zeph. 3:5.
WHEN SIN HARDENS ONE
When a person is overtaken by a weakness of the flesh, quickly repents and recovers, his sin may not harden him, although it may leave a scar. But it does harden him when it is committed repeatedly as in the case of Judas’ stealing money, or when it is done deliberately and willfully as in the case of Adam. It hardens in that it makes a person more selfish and insensitive to repentance. As a result he goes from bad to worse.
Our Creator endowed us with a conscience that can be trained to distinguish right from wrong. With proper knowledge it is a sensitive indicator. But if one deliberately, or carelessly or indifferently keeps violating it, it gradually ceases to make itself felt. Among such whose conscience is no longer sensitive is the hypocrite. As the apostle Paul expresses it: “By the hypocrisy of men who speak lies, marked in their conscience as with a branding iron.” Yes, just as the nerve endings are killed in a part of our body that is burned, so that it no longer is sensitive to pain and is without the protection that the warning of pain gives, so it is with the conscience of these people.—1 Tim. 4:2.
To illustrate: The first time a person does something he knows he should not do, yielding to temptation or pressure, his conscience may prick him and he may feel guilty. But if he does it again and again, his conscience will gradually fail to respond, for it does no good, and so he gradually becomes hardened by his sin. Not only that, but he may find himself committing ever grosser sins. Thus he may begin by stealing small amounts from his employer or by being negligent in little things. But as he continues to do so he will find himself stealing ever larger amounts or becoming ever more grossly negligent, loafing more and more.
Or it may be in relation to one’s marriage. Husband or wife may start gambling and not say anything to the other. Then that one keeps on gambling with ever larger amounts, finally bringing misery upon the family. Or one or the other may begin a flirtation. If unchecked it can lead to an infatuation, adultery and a broken home. It is even as Jesus Christ said: “The person unrighteous in what is least” hardens himself so that eventually he becomes “unrighteous also in much.”—Luke 16:10.
To take a true-life illustration of recent months: A certain youth professed to be a Christian minister. Yet he was carrying on homosexual acts with professed friends of his. When he found it expedient to travel to another part of the country he missed his homosexual friends. So he wrote one of them threatening to expose him if he did not come to where he lived so that they could continue their homosexual relations. But it was not long before this young professed Christian made some overt acts that exposed him and today he is under a ban of at least three years from any Christian congregation of Jehovah’s people.
GUARDING AGAINST SIN’S HARDENING EFFECTS
How can we guard against the hardening effects of sin? Most important is guarding one’s heart. “More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart.” How can one do that? By watching one’s thoughts. Wise counsel therefore is to keep considering ‘whatever things are righteous, chaste, virtuous and praiseworthy.’ What the mind dwells upon the heart desires, and it is easy to become enticed by desire. Then, as the disciple James warns, “desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin; in turn, sin, when it has been accomplished, brings forth death.”—Prov. 4:23; Phil. 4:8; Jas. 1:14, 15.
Not without good reason did Jehovah say that “the heart is more treacherous than anything else.” Its sinful inclination is something we have inherited from our first parents: “The inclination of the heart of man is bad from his youth up.” We must keep guard, for the very fact that something is forbidden may tempt one to want to do it.—Jer. 17:9; Gen. 8:21.
We must acquire a hate for what is bad regardless of how pleasurable it might seem to be. “You lovers of Jehovah, hate what is bad.” (Ps. 97:10) Very helpful to this end is reading God’s Word regularly, giving particular attention to such admonition as relates to one’s own weaknesses. As the psalmist expressed it: “Owing to your orders I behave with understanding. That is why I have hated every false path.” Another great help is association with those who love what is right and hate what is bad. Important also is heeding reproof, letting oneself be corrected, for “a man repeatedly reproved but making his neck hard will suddenly be broken, and that without healing.”—Ps. 119:104; Prov. 29:1.
As the world gets more and more wicked, it becomes increasingly difficult for Christians to be on guard against sin. But you can protect yourself by taking to heart the counsel: “Blessed is the man who fears [Jehovah] always.” (Prov. 28:14, Revised Standard Version) Reading God’s Word, watching our thoughts and associating with good companions will aid us to fear Jehovah always and so to avoid the hardening effects of sin.
MANY persons today scoff at the term “sin.” They hold the same as do the Buddhists, namely, that an act is wrong only if it harms oneself or another. Thus they hold that fornication, if it does not harm those engaging in it, is not wrong.
But the Word of God proves them mistaken on two counts. On the one hand, it makes plain that as the Creator and universal Sovereign, Jehovah God has the right to dictate to man what is right and what is wrong. He is man’s King, Lawgiver and Judge. (Isa. 33:22) Therefore, to go contrary to his law is to “miss the mark,” which is what the word “sin,” as used in the Bible, literally means. And on the other hand, since the Creator not only has all authority, but is also omniscient, all-wise, as well as loving, and so knows what is best for mankind, to violate his laws not only is wrong and bad, but is bound to bring harm, eventually if not immediately.
Among the things that make it plain that going against God’s laws is wrong is the hardening effect of sin. Take, for example, our first parents, Adam and Eve. Because Jehovah God had explicitly forbidden them to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and bad, their doing so constituted sin. Did it have a hardening effect upon them? It most certainly did.
When asked by his Maker if he had eaten of the forbidden fruit, Adam callously blamed both God and his wife, saying: “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree and so I ate.” In effect he said, ‘She gave me the fruit; she is to blame. And so are you, God, for you, in the first place, gave this woman to be my wife.’ How lonely he had been before God gave him Eve! When he at last received her, he exclaimed, “This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” But now Eve was “the woman whom you gave to be with me.” And Eve, instead of expressing sorrow and showing repentance, likewise tried to shift the blame, to the serpent.—Gen. 2:23; 3:1-19.
No question about it, their sinning had a hardening effect upon the hearts and consciences of these first two sinners. And did it work harm to them? It most certainly did, bringing them unhappiness, sorrow, suffering and death.
Cain, their firstborn son, likewise illustrated the principle that sin hardens. Out of envious hatred he had murdered his brother Abel. When Jehovah God asked him where his brother was, did he feel sorrow or regret? No, but hardheartedly he replied: “I do not know. Am I my brother’s guardian?” He not only betrayed hardened indifference but also lied, showing utter disregard for the truth. Cain’s sin also worked harm to himself, for he was separated from his family and ever after had a guilty conscience.—Gen. 4:8-16.
KING SAUL AND JUDAS THE APOSTLE
And then there was the first king of Israel, Saul. He so allowed an envious hatred to take possession of him that to murder David became the consuming passion of his life. How hard this made him can be seen from the fact that he ordered the slaying of the entire priestly community at Nob, eighty-five priests together with all their families. And why? All because their head priest had befriended David, not knowing that David was fleeing from the wrath of Saul. How his hatred of David had hardened his heart! No respect for Jehovah’s priesthood! No regard for the lives of the priests nor of their families! In the end it cost Saul his kingdom and his life.—1 Sam. 21:1-9; 22:6-23; 31:1-6.
Judas Iscariot, one of the apostles of Jesus, furnishes another example. He must have had a good heart to begin with or Jesus would not have chosen him. But then he let selfishness take over. He hardened his heart by a practice of sin, stealing from the treasury of Jesus’ group, the money box being in his charge. Thus it appears that when Jesus approved of the costly ointment being used to anoint him, to which Judas had strenuously objected, Judas went out and betrayed his Master for thirty pieces of silver. Further indicative of his hardness of heart was his brazenly asking, “It is not I, is it?” when Jesus said that one of the twelve would betray him. How that sin harmed him! It made him a suicide with no hope of a resurrection.—Matt. 26:6-25; John 12:3-8; 17:12.
That sin hardens, the Word of God also makes clear in so many words: “Here is the way of an adulterous woman: she has eaten and has wiped her mouth and she has said: ‘I have committed no wrong.’” “Did they feel shame because it was something detestable that they had done? . . . they positively do not feel any shame; . . . they have not come to know even how to feel humiliated.” Yes, “the unrighteous one was knowing no shame.”—Prov. 30:20; Jer. 6:15; Zeph. 3:5.
WHEN SIN HARDENS ONE
When a person is overtaken by a weakness of the flesh, quickly repents and recovers, his sin may not harden him, although it may leave a scar. But it does harden him when it is committed repeatedly as in the case of Judas’ stealing money, or when it is done deliberately and willfully as in the case of Adam. It hardens in that it makes a person more selfish and insensitive to repentance. As a result he goes from bad to worse.
Our Creator endowed us with a conscience that can be trained to distinguish right from wrong. With proper knowledge it is a sensitive indicator. But if one deliberately, or carelessly or indifferently keeps violating it, it gradually ceases to make itself felt. Among such whose conscience is no longer sensitive is the hypocrite. As the apostle Paul expresses it: “By the hypocrisy of men who speak lies, marked in their conscience as with a branding iron.” Yes, just as the nerve endings are killed in a part of our body that is burned, so that it no longer is sensitive to pain and is without the protection that the warning of pain gives, so it is with the conscience of these people.—1 Tim. 4:2.
To illustrate: The first time a person does something he knows he should not do, yielding to temptation or pressure, his conscience may prick him and he may feel guilty. But if he does it again and again, his conscience will gradually fail to respond, for it does no good, and so he gradually becomes hardened by his sin. Not only that, but he may find himself committing ever grosser sins. Thus he may begin by stealing small amounts from his employer or by being negligent in little things. But as he continues to do so he will find himself stealing ever larger amounts or becoming ever more grossly negligent, loafing more and more.
Or it may be in relation to one’s marriage. Husband or wife may start gambling and not say anything to the other. Then that one keeps on gambling with ever larger amounts, finally bringing misery upon the family. Or one or the other may begin a flirtation. If unchecked it can lead to an infatuation, adultery and a broken home. It is even as Jesus Christ said: “The person unrighteous in what is least” hardens himself so that eventually he becomes “unrighteous also in much.”—Luke 16:10.
To take a true-life illustration of recent months: A certain youth professed to be a Christian minister. Yet he was carrying on homosexual acts with professed friends of his. When he found it expedient to travel to another part of the country he missed his homosexual friends. So he wrote one of them threatening to expose him if he did not come to where he lived so that they could continue their homosexual relations. But it was not long before this young professed Christian made some overt acts that exposed him and today he is under a ban of at least three years from any Christian congregation of Jehovah’s people.
GUARDING AGAINST SIN’S HARDENING EFFECTS
How can we guard against the hardening effects of sin? Most important is guarding one’s heart. “More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart.” How can one do that? By watching one’s thoughts. Wise counsel therefore is to keep considering ‘whatever things are righteous, chaste, virtuous and praiseworthy.’ What the mind dwells upon the heart desires, and it is easy to become enticed by desire. Then, as the disciple James warns, “desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin; in turn, sin, when it has been accomplished, brings forth death.”—Prov. 4:23; Phil. 4:8; Jas. 1:14, 15.
Not without good reason did Jehovah say that “the heart is more treacherous than anything else.” Its sinful inclination is something we have inherited from our first parents: “The inclination of the heart of man is bad from his youth up.” We must keep guard, for the very fact that something is forbidden may tempt one to want to do it.—Jer. 17:9; Gen. 8:21.
We must acquire a hate for what is bad regardless of how pleasurable it might seem to be. “You lovers of Jehovah, hate what is bad.” (Ps. 97:10) Very helpful to this end is reading God’s Word regularly, giving particular attention to such admonition as relates to one’s own weaknesses. As the psalmist expressed it: “Owing to your orders I behave with understanding. That is why I have hated every false path.” Another great help is association with those who love what is right and hate what is bad. Important also is heeding reproof, letting oneself be corrected, for “a man repeatedly reproved but making his neck hard will suddenly be broken, and that without healing.”—Ps. 119:104; Prov. 29:1.
As the world gets more and more wicked, it becomes increasingly difficult for Christians to be on guard against sin. But you can protect yourself by taking to heart the counsel: “Blessed is the man who fears [Jehovah] always.” (Prov. 28:14, Revised Standard Version) Reading God’s Word, watching our thoughts and associating with good companions will aid us to fear Jehovah always and so to avoid the hardening effects of sin.
Why Be Concerned About the Elderly?
LONELINESS, poverty, sorrow and despair. If a loved one suffered such things, what would you do? Likely, render aid, if possible.
A recent study in one region of the United States revealed that nearly half of the elderly found their later years ‘a time of loneliness, poverty, sorrow and despair.’ Of course, not all older persons have those problems. But they face others.
The elderly who must live on small fixed incomes from pensions, Social Security payments and the like keenly feel today’s spiraling inflation. Moreover, some are poverty-stricken. Take the example of a seventy-year-old woman who lives in poverty, has no relatives, is deaf, partly disabled and has a bad bronchial condition. Not long ago, because of illness, she was confined to her apartment and for days had nothing to eat but some cereal.
Thieves and muggers consider the elderly easy prey. As one teen-age gang member put it: “The old people, they won’t chase you. And they won’t put up a fight. They don’t usually have much, but it’s easy to get.” Indeed, the elderly often are too old, weak or ill to avoid assault or defend themselves. Hence, it is not surprising that at night many of them are afraid to venture outside their homes, apartments or perhaps the single-room occupancy hotels where they reside. For that matter, many elderly persons have been mugged in broad daylight.
Assaults upon the elderly take many forms. One New York city police official mentioned “scores of rapes and many of them against women in their 70s and 80s.” At times, older persons die of a heart attack from stress undergone during a mugging. But autopsies reveal that many were strangled, bludgeoned or stomped to death.
Does all of this give you cause for concern? Do you have elderly parents, or aged acquaintances? Are they faring well? Do they need your help? How long has it been since you were in touch with them?
Care of the Infirm and Ailing
Some older persons who are in very poor health are being cared for in the homes of their children or other family members. How heartless it would be to place these elderly parents or grandparents in an institution merely to avoid the inconvenience of caring for them at home! Interestingly, the Bible says: “He that is maltreating a father and that chases a mother away is a son acting shamefully and disgracefully.” “Listen to your father who caused your birth, and do not despise your mother just because she has grown old.”—Prov. 19:26; 23:22.
In certain cases, however, children may believe that it would be considerate to place their ailing elderly parents in a nursing home or other institution. Why? Perhaps because it is felt that there they will receive good professional care that cannot be provided adequately at home. Naturally, these matters must be decided within the family.
Elderly persons may receive fine care in a nursing home. In some institutions, however, this is not the case. For instance, monetary allowances rightfully due the aged may be withheld. Indifference and neglect may be experienced. That, of course, is not the kind of treatment received from all nursing-home personnel. Far different is the attitude of the administrator who said: “We have two senile ladies who found each other and who spend the entire day together. You know they don’t understand a word you’re saying to them, but they’re so sweet and cute, like children.”
If it appears essential to locate a good nursing home for your aged father or mother, visit a number of them. Be sure to see each floor of the institution. Inspect the bathroom, kitchen, dining and physical therapy facilities. Notice the general atmosphere. Ask yourself, Would I be satisfied to live here, if necessary? Consult inspection reports on the home. Also, obtain any federal and state financial benefits due your parent.
Display Your Concern in Various Ways
Perhaps your aged parents now are confined in a nursing home. How often do you visit them? As their offspring, you can supply something vital—filial affection. Think about the past. When you were small, how comforting it was to have your mother’s loving care, especially when you were ill! And how secure you felt with your father’s arm around you! Does it not seem proper that you should visit your confined elderly parents often and give them assurances of your affection and concern?
There are many ways to show your concern for elderly relatives or friends, whether they reside in institutions or their own homes. For instance, what about writing them cards and letters? Be assured that an unexpected note—warm words of encouragement and love—will be appreciated.
If your aging parents or other elderly acquaintances have a telephone, why not make use of it? Hearing the voice of a good friend or loved one will mean so much to them! Be sure that emergency numbers, as well as your own, are clearly displayed near their telephone. Someday they may need assistance quickly.
Speaking of telephones, why not call your elderly parents or aged friends when you are going to do some shopping? Perhaps you can run an errand for them or pick up things they need. Or, you might invite them to accompany you, if they can. True, this may require extra effort and slow you down a little. But you may have a fine time in company with the elderly.
While it is necessary to respect the right of privacy, you may discern that your aged parents, for instance, are about to take some unwise course financially. Through supersalesmanship, or by some other means, a shrewd commercialist may be trying to take undue advantage of them. Perhaps you can offer them good advice, or can point out where needed information can be obtained. That would be considerate.
Pleasant Hours Together
In these days of lawlessness and trouble, visiting the elderly as often as possible would be an excellent way to show your concern for them. Upbuilding and encouraging conversation is likely to benefit them greatly. And suppose they have failing eyesight. Why not spend some time reading to these elderly ones? Perhaps the choice will be an article on the wonders of creation. Mentally, you and your listener may visualize a woodland scene, hear the song of birds or observe the playful antics of young cubs. If such things should lead to talk about life in the “old days,” so much the better. You can become a good listener.
Especially beneficial is the reading of Christian publications and God’s Word, the Bible. The Scriptures have something to say even about one’s relationship with older friends and relatives. For instance, we are told: “Before gray hair you should rise up, and you must show consideration for the person of an old man.” (Lev. 19:32) According to Jesus Christ, “God said, ‘Honor your father and your mother.’” (Matt. 15:4-6) And the Christian apostle Paul admonished: “If any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.”—1 Tim. 5:4.
Considering the spiritual side of life, perhaps you can arrange to provide older persons with transportation to and from Christian meetings for Bible discussion. If their condition of health prevents this, you may be able to record some portions of the program and play these later while visiting the infirm. Or, possibly you can outline program highlights verbally. Be assured that such thoughtfulness will be appreciated.
Suppose you have taken your elderly parents to a Christian meeting and you are taking them home after nightfall. You might wait until they are safely in the house or apartment. If they appear at the window, or flash the lights a couple of times as a signal, you will know that they are safe. Better still—maybe you can accompany them to their door.
When visiting the elderly, be observant. Are there dishes to wash? Would it be a fine gesture to sweep the floor? Is there dusting to do? What about the laundry? Of course, you will want to avoid giving the impression that your aged relatives or friends have been negligent. But you can be of great help by caring for matters like these. Do so regularly and reap rich rewards of satisfaction and gratitude.
Why not include elderly ones in some of your own social arrangements? You may be surprised and delighted at their fine remarks and recollections during an evening of quiet conversation. What about inviting your aged parents, for instance, to enjoy a meal in your home from time to time? Certainly this would be a display of thoughtfulness. Do not think that you must spend a lot of money and spread a big feast. There is something much more significant than food. Says the Bible: “Better is a dish of vegetables where there is love than a manger-fed bull and hatred along with it.”—Prov. 15:17.
You cannot turn back the pages of time. Nor can you restore youthful vigor to the elderly. You are unable to do anything about past anxieties and hardships that already have wearied them. Neither can you lengthen their lives. But you can help to remove any loneliness, despair and sorrow they may be experiencing. Show them genuine, active love and concern. By all means, do it now.
“Gray-headedness is a crown of beauty when it is found in the way of righteousness.” “Those who are planted in the house of Jehovah, in the courtyards of our God, they will blossom forth. They will still keep on thriving during gray-headedness, fat and fresh they will continue to be, to tell that Jehovah is upright. He is my Rock, in whom there is no unrighteousness.”—Prov. 16:31; Ps. 92:13-15.
LONELINESS, poverty, sorrow and despair. If a loved one suffered such things, what would you do? Likely, render aid, if possible.
A recent study in one region of the United States revealed that nearly half of the elderly found their later years ‘a time of loneliness, poverty, sorrow and despair.’ Of course, not all older persons have those problems. But they face others.
The elderly who must live on small fixed incomes from pensions, Social Security payments and the like keenly feel today’s spiraling inflation. Moreover, some are poverty-stricken. Take the example of a seventy-year-old woman who lives in poverty, has no relatives, is deaf, partly disabled and has a bad bronchial condition. Not long ago, because of illness, she was confined to her apartment and for days had nothing to eat but some cereal.
Thieves and muggers consider the elderly easy prey. As one teen-age gang member put it: “The old people, they won’t chase you. And they won’t put up a fight. They don’t usually have much, but it’s easy to get.” Indeed, the elderly often are too old, weak or ill to avoid assault or defend themselves. Hence, it is not surprising that at night many of them are afraid to venture outside their homes, apartments or perhaps the single-room occupancy hotels where they reside. For that matter, many elderly persons have been mugged in broad daylight.
Assaults upon the elderly take many forms. One New York city police official mentioned “scores of rapes and many of them against women in their 70s and 80s.” At times, older persons die of a heart attack from stress undergone during a mugging. But autopsies reveal that many were strangled, bludgeoned or stomped to death.
Does all of this give you cause for concern? Do you have elderly parents, or aged acquaintances? Are they faring well? Do they need your help? How long has it been since you were in touch with them?
Care of the Infirm and Ailing
Some older persons who are in very poor health are being cared for in the homes of their children or other family members. How heartless it would be to place these elderly parents or grandparents in an institution merely to avoid the inconvenience of caring for them at home! Interestingly, the Bible says: “He that is maltreating a father and that chases a mother away is a son acting shamefully and disgracefully.” “Listen to your father who caused your birth, and do not despise your mother just because she has grown old.”—Prov. 19:26; 23:22.
In certain cases, however, children may believe that it would be considerate to place their ailing elderly parents in a nursing home or other institution. Why? Perhaps because it is felt that there they will receive good professional care that cannot be provided adequately at home. Naturally, these matters must be decided within the family.
Elderly persons may receive fine care in a nursing home. In some institutions, however, this is not the case. For instance, monetary allowances rightfully due the aged may be withheld. Indifference and neglect may be experienced. That, of course, is not the kind of treatment received from all nursing-home personnel. Far different is the attitude of the administrator who said: “We have two senile ladies who found each other and who spend the entire day together. You know they don’t understand a word you’re saying to them, but they’re so sweet and cute, like children.”
If it appears essential to locate a good nursing home for your aged father or mother, visit a number of them. Be sure to see each floor of the institution. Inspect the bathroom, kitchen, dining and physical therapy facilities. Notice the general atmosphere. Ask yourself, Would I be satisfied to live here, if necessary? Consult inspection reports on the home. Also, obtain any federal and state financial benefits due your parent.
Display Your Concern in Various Ways
Perhaps your aged parents now are confined in a nursing home. How often do you visit them? As their offspring, you can supply something vital—filial affection. Think about the past. When you were small, how comforting it was to have your mother’s loving care, especially when you were ill! And how secure you felt with your father’s arm around you! Does it not seem proper that you should visit your confined elderly parents often and give them assurances of your affection and concern?
There are many ways to show your concern for elderly relatives or friends, whether they reside in institutions or their own homes. For instance, what about writing them cards and letters? Be assured that an unexpected note—warm words of encouragement and love—will be appreciated.
If your aging parents or other elderly acquaintances have a telephone, why not make use of it? Hearing the voice of a good friend or loved one will mean so much to them! Be sure that emergency numbers, as well as your own, are clearly displayed near their telephone. Someday they may need assistance quickly.
Speaking of telephones, why not call your elderly parents or aged friends when you are going to do some shopping? Perhaps you can run an errand for them or pick up things they need. Or, you might invite them to accompany you, if they can. True, this may require extra effort and slow you down a little. But you may have a fine time in company with the elderly.
While it is necessary to respect the right of privacy, you may discern that your aged parents, for instance, are about to take some unwise course financially. Through supersalesmanship, or by some other means, a shrewd commercialist may be trying to take undue advantage of them. Perhaps you can offer them good advice, or can point out where needed information can be obtained. That would be considerate.
Pleasant Hours Together
In these days of lawlessness and trouble, visiting the elderly as often as possible would be an excellent way to show your concern for them. Upbuilding and encouraging conversation is likely to benefit them greatly. And suppose they have failing eyesight. Why not spend some time reading to these elderly ones? Perhaps the choice will be an article on the wonders of creation. Mentally, you and your listener may visualize a woodland scene, hear the song of birds or observe the playful antics of young cubs. If such things should lead to talk about life in the “old days,” so much the better. You can become a good listener.
Especially beneficial is the reading of Christian publications and God’s Word, the Bible. The Scriptures have something to say even about one’s relationship with older friends and relatives. For instance, we are told: “Before gray hair you should rise up, and you must show consideration for the person of an old man.” (Lev. 19:32) According to Jesus Christ, “God said, ‘Honor your father and your mother.’” (Matt. 15:4-6) And the Christian apostle Paul admonished: “If any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.”—1 Tim. 5:4.
Considering the spiritual side of life, perhaps you can arrange to provide older persons with transportation to and from Christian meetings for Bible discussion. If their condition of health prevents this, you may be able to record some portions of the program and play these later while visiting the infirm. Or, possibly you can outline program highlights verbally. Be assured that such thoughtfulness will be appreciated.
Suppose you have taken your elderly parents to a Christian meeting and you are taking them home after nightfall. You might wait until they are safely in the house or apartment. If they appear at the window, or flash the lights a couple of times as a signal, you will know that they are safe. Better still—maybe you can accompany them to their door.
When visiting the elderly, be observant. Are there dishes to wash? Would it be a fine gesture to sweep the floor? Is there dusting to do? What about the laundry? Of course, you will want to avoid giving the impression that your aged relatives or friends have been negligent. But you can be of great help by caring for matters like these. Do so regularly and reap rich rewards of satisfaction and gratitude.
Why not include elderly ones in some of your own social arrangements? You may be surprised and delighted at their fine remarks and recollections during an evening of quiet conversation. What about inviting your aged parents, for instance, to enjoy a meal in your home from time to time? Certainly this would be a display of thoughtfulness. Do not think that you must spend a lot of money and spread a big feast. There is something much more significant than food. Says the Bible: “Better is a dish of vegetables where there is love than a manger-fed bull and hatred along with it.”—Prov. 15:17.
You cannot turn back the pages of time. Nor can you restore youthful vigor to the elderly. You are unable to do anything about past anxieties and hardships that already have wearied them. Neither can you lengthen their lives. But you can help to remove any loneliness, despair and sorrow they may be experiencing. Show them genuine, active love and concern. By all means, do it now.
“Gray-headedness is a crown of beauty when it is found in the way of righteousness.” “Those who are planted in the house of Jehovah, in the courtyards of our God, they will blossom forth. They will still keep on thriving during gray-headedness, fat and fresh they will continue to be, to tell that Jehovah is upright. He is my Rock, in whom there is no unrighteousness.”—Prov. 16:31; Ps. 92:13-15.
Mourning and Funerals—For Whom?
IT HAS been truthfully stated: “No known human group . . . simply throw[s] out its dead without any ritual or ceremony. In stark contrast, no animal practices burial of dead individuals of its own species.” “Man is the only living being who has a developed self-awareness and death-awareness.”—See Genesis 23:3, 4.
Those words of the contemporary Russian-born scientist Theodosius Dobzhansky throw light on why King Solomon counseled some three thousand years earlier: “Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of all mankind; and the one alive should take it to his heart.” Yes, because we do have a sense of self-awareness and death-awareness humans usually arrange some kind of service for a deceased friend, fellow believer or relative.—Eccl. 7:2.
Does the fact that Solomon says it is better to go to the house of mourning mean that it is right and proper for Christians to go to any house of mourning and commiserate with the survivors? Is it proper to mourn the death of every kind of person? What does the Bible, God’s Word, indicate?
The Bible gives us many examples of mourning for dead persons. There was proper mourning on the part of Jacob and Esau when their father Isaac died. Jacob mourned because he thought his favorite son Joseph had been killed by a wild animal. When the patriarch Jacob himself died there was great mourning, not only by his own household, but also by the Egyptians. The Israelites deeply mourned the death of their leader Moses. Though King Josiah was killed in a battle that he unwisely entered, there was great mourning on the part of Jeremiah and all Judah over the death of that good ruler. In later periods of time there were mourning and lamentation over the deaths of Lazarus, Jesus Christ, Stephen and others.—Gen. 27:41; 37:34, 35; 50:1-14; Deut. 34:8; 2 Chron. 35:24, 25; Luke 24:15-24; John 11:17-44; Acts 8:2; 9:36-42.
There is one thing to be noted, however, about these particular instances of mourning recorded in the Scriptures. All the mourned ones had been fearers of Jehovah God and were relatives or held in high esteem by their survivors. But there were those whose deaths were not mourned. For example, there is not the slightest hint that Noah and his family mourned the death of the wicked and violent generation that perished in the Deluge. Nor is there any record that Lot mourned the destruction of the grossly wicked people of Sodom and Gomorrah. When Pharaoh and his army were drowned in the Red Sea, Moses and his people, far from mourning, exultingly sang a victory song.—Ex. 15:1-21; see also Jeremiah 22:18, 19.
Why, in all these instances, did God’s servants not mourn or were they not to mourn those who had perished? Because they had been executed by Jehovah God. To have mourned over them would have been tantamount to finding fault with the execution of Jehovah’s righteous judgments. So Jeremiah was commanded not to mourn over the calamity that was to befall his apostate people Israel. And in the book of Revelation we read that although Babylon the Great was mourned by some of her political and commercial paramours, the hosts of heaven rejoiced at her destruction.—Jer. 15:4-7; Rev. 18:9-20.
Most fittingly, therefore, when King David so greatly mourned the death of his ambitious, perfidious, immoral son Absalom, his general Joab justly reproved David. (2 Sam. 19:1-8) But, on the other hand, when David mourned over unfaithful King Saul, he was given no reproof. (2 Sam. 1:17-27) Why was this? King Saul was Jehovah’s anointed. So David was mourning the individual in loyalty to the anointed office occupied by Saul. (See The Watchtower, October 1, 1938, p. 297.) Besides, David did not want to allow for any suspicion that he rejoiced at the death of his enemy.—Prov. 24:17.
All these things were written for our learning, instruction and comfort at this time of the end of the wicked system of things. (Rom. 15:4; 1 Cor. 10:11) In the near future this generation will see the foretold “great tribulation” that will bring an end to this present wicked system. (Matt. 24:21) At that time none of Jehovah’s faithful servants, the only ones surviving, will mourn over the destruction of the wicked. To the contrary, they will rejoice, even as Moses and his people rejoiced at the destruction of Pharaoh and his army.
MOURNING IN OUR TIME
But what about the present time? With what attitude do we hear of mishaps, great loss of life because of terrible accidents, earthquakes, hurricanes and tidal waves? Without a doubt our human sympathies go out to the victims and, in particular, to the mourning survivors, even though they may not have been lovers of righteousness. After all, they were not executed by Jehovah God for having been wicked. So also when relatives, acquaintances or business associates die, Christians normally show kindness in expressing sincere condolences to surviving family members.
When a faithful anointed Christian dies, even though we confidently believe he has received his heavenly reward, we mourn him. After all, we shall miss him; but we do not sorrow inconsolably as do those who have no hope. (1 Thess. 4:13-15) We also mourn the death of those having an earthly hope even though it is reasonable to expect an early resurrection for these. As Jesus made clear, “all those in the memorial tombs” will come forth in a resurrection.—John 5:28, 29; see also Acts 24:15; Revelation 20:13.
WHY A FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE?
Some have thought that a funeral is for the purpose of eulogizing the deceased, for the purpose of speaking well of such a one and giving him what is known as a “good death.” But is this correct? Remember that Jehovah God permitted the nation of Israel to weep over Nadab and Abihu, the two sons of Aaron who perished because they offered illegitimate fire—although their immediate family was forbidden to mourn them.—Lev. 10:1-7.
Nor can it be said that a funeral service is somewhat like a sacrament that bestows virtue upon the deceased. True, most church members of Christendom would view with horror the prospect of a burial without a church service. Thus the Roman Catholic Church has various kinds of Masses for this very purpose. These may contain blessings for the deceased and are claimed to help a soul in purgatory. However, all such practices have no Scriptural backing, for God’s Word makes clear that the dead are unconscious and remain so until the resurrection.—Eccl. 9:5, 10.
Then why should a funeral or memorial service be held for a deceased person? There are a number of good reasons. To begin with, there is the matter of comforting the bereaved. Christians are commanded to comfort all that mourn, including those among themselves who may mourn. (Isa. 61:1, 2; 2 Cor. 1:3-5) As a rule death causes mourning. In particular, it is comforting to hear a discussion on Jehovah’s marvelous attributes, especially his great love in providing his Son as a ransom so that mankind can have the hope of everlasting life. Aside from personal expressions that they may feel impelled to make, those in attendance bring comfort to the bereaved by their very presence.
There is also the matter of giving a witness to Bible truths. Usually a funeral is attended by neighbors, acquaintances, business associates and relatives, who may not be believers. All these stand to benefit from a funeral or memorial service at which a discourse is given presenting the Bible view as to the condition of the dead, why men die and the hope of a resurrection. Because of such fine purposes being served, it seems that a Christian minister could see his way clear to conduct the funeral of a Witness’ unbelieving relative—or even of one who, in a condition of extreme despondency or mental derangement, had taken his own life. And fellow Christians could extend comfort to the bereaved Witness by attending.
Another good purpose that a funeral service can fulfill is that called to our attention by Solomon. Remember, he said: “Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of all mankind; and the one alive should take it to his heart.” (Eccl. 7:2) The fact of death gives us cause for reflection on the transitoriness of life. It should also help us to appreciate what a blessing life is. In death there is no consciousness, no feeling, no communication, no joy, no accomplishment.
Among some ancient peoples a funeral was an exceedingly sad affair, symbolizing defeat. It was therefore held at night. While it is true that Christians do not sorrow as do others who have no hope, nevertheless it would seem that at a funeral or memorial service, or in the presence of the deceased at home or at a funeral parlor, there should not be any hilarity or jocularity, as though one were at a picnic or a feast. There is a time for every affair, and the time of death is not the time for noisy laughter.—Eccl. 3:1, 4.
And further, when a service is held for a deceased faithful servant of Jehovah God, the occasion could well be used to note that one’s integrity-keeping course in spite of all manner of obstacles. (2 Sam. 1:26) True, as Mark Anthony said in his famed funeral oration: “I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.” So our purpose is not to eulogize or extol creatures, but to consider their example as one to be imitated. As the apostle Paul put it: “[Do] not become sluggish, but be imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.”—Heb. 6:12.
FUNERALS OF DISFELLOWSHIPED PERSONS?
However, suppose the deceased is a disfellowshiped person, someone who has been expelled from the Christian congregation for one reason or another. In “Questions from Readers” (The Watchtower, 1961, p. 544) the position was taken that a funeral for a disfellowshiped person was improper. The comment was made: “We never want to give the impression to outsiders that a disfellowshiped person was acceptable in the congregation when in truth and in fact he was not acceptable but had been disfellowshiped from it.” Are there no exceptions, in arranging a funeral for a disfellowshiped person?
Before answering that question it would be well briefly to review the matter of disfellowshiping. That it has a Scriptural basis can be seen from First Corinthians chapter 5, in which the apostle Paul commands the disfellowshiping of an immoral man. However, it was not until 1952 that Jehovah’s people of modern times acted on the growing urgency along this line. With strong zeal for righteousness and a hatred for what is wicked, they set guidelines for those taking the lead so as to keep congregations spiritually, doctrinally and morally clean.
Through the years Jehovah’s people have come to see the matter of disfellowshiping ever more clearly. Not only were details spelled out, but more and more it was seen that wisdom and love, as well as justice, have come into play. They saw the need of showing mercy to truly repentant erring ones, and of considering extenuating circumstances and any evidence of sincere sorrow. In quite recent years it was also pointed out that there is a difference between the way Christians should conduct themselves toward a notorious sinner or an aggressive apostate and toward one who is viewed as “a man of the nations”—to whom the common courtesy of a greeting may be extended.—Matt. 18:17; 2 John 9, 10.
It would seem that this distinction could even be observed in connection with the funeral of a disfellowshiped person. A Christian congregation would not want its good name besmirched by having it associated with any to whom 2 John 9, 10 applied, even in their death. But suppose a disfellowshiped person had been giving some evidence of genuine repentance and had been coming to the meetings and manifesting a desire to be reinstated in the congregation. Then, if the elders felt that it would not disturb the peace and harmony of the congregation nor bring reproach upon God’s people, there would be no objection to an elder’s giving a talk. How are they to know whether Jehovah has already forgiven him or not, since there is some evidence of repentance? Properly, the elders may have been waiting, wanting to make sure that his seeming repentance was sincere. Obviously, each case being different, it would need to be judged on its own merits. Of course, if a funeral talk is given, care would need to be taken not to dwell on personal matters nor to make any positive statements about whether he will be resurrected. But a fine Scriptural presentation and witness could certainly be given.
Moreover, we should not overlook two of the cardinal reasons for disfellowshiping a wrongdoer. One is to jolt him to his senses if possible. The other is to protect the congregation from his bad influence. Neither of these would apply now, since the disfellowshiped person is deceased. Even where a disfellowshiped person has continued as a mere “man of the nations,” so to speak, a Scriptural funeral talk can serve more than one good purpose, even as previously noted: It can provide comfort for the bereaved and a witness to outsiders. The very fact that a fine witness is given can be a comfort and consolation to the bereaved ones regardless of the circumstances.
We alone of all earth’s creatures were made in God’s image. Because of this we have the capacity to appreciate what death is all about. That is why we also have the capacity to mourn another’s loss of life and the desire to comfort bereaved ones. Is not our heavenly Father truly “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort”? Surely! So in the matter of mourning and funerals we let his principles of wisdom, justice and love dictate our feelings and actions, even as they should in all other affairs of life.—2 Cor. 1:3, 4; 1 Cor. 16:14.
[Footnotes]
The Uniqueness of Man, edited by J. D. Roslansky.
IT HAS been truthfully stated: “No known human group . . . simply throw[s] out its dead without any ritual or ceremony. In stark contrast, no animal practices burial of dead individuals of its own species.” “Man is the only living being who has a developed self-awareness and death-awareness.”—See Genesis 23:3, 4.
Those words of the contemporary Russian-born scientist Theodosius Dobzhansky throw light on why King Solomon counseled some three thousand years earlier: “Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of all mankind; and the one alive should take it to his heart.” Yes, because we do have a sense of self-awareness and death-awareness humans usually arrange some kind of service for a deceased friend, fellow believer or relative.—Eccl. 7:2.
Does the fact that Solomon says it is better to go to the house of mourning mean that it is right and proper for Christians to go to any house of mourning and commiserate with the survivors? Is it proper to mourn the death of every kind of person? What does the Bible, God’s Word, indicate?
The Bible gives us many examples of mourning for dead persons. There was proper mourning on the part of Jacob and Esau when their father Isaac died. Jacob mourned because he thought his favorite son Joseph had been killed by a wild animal. When the patriarch Jacob himself died there was great mourning, not only by his own household, but also by the Egyptians. The Israelites deeply mourned the death of their leader Moses. Though King Josiah was killed in a battle that he unwisely entered, there was great mourning on the part of Jeremiah and all Judah over the death of that good ruler. In later periods of time there were mourning and lamentation over the deaths of Lazarus, Jesus Christ, Stephen and others.—Gen. 27:41; 37:34, 35; 50:1-14; Deut. 34:8; 2 Chron. 35:24, 25; Luke 24:15-24; John 11:17-44; Acts 8:2; 9:36-42.
There is one thing to be noted, however, about these particular instances of mourning recorded in the Scriptures. All the mourned ones had been fearers of Jehovah God and were relatives or held in high esteem by their survivors. But there were those whose deaths were not mourned. For example, there is not the slightest hint that Noah and his family mourned the death of the wicked and violent generation that perished in the Deluge. Nor is there any record that Lot mourned the destruction of the grossly wicked people of Sodom and Gomorrah. When Pharaoh and his army were drowned in the Red Sea, Moses and his people, far from mourning, exultingly sang a victory song.—Ex. 15:1-21; see also Jeremiah 22:18, 19.
Why, in all these instances, did God’s servants not mourn or were they not to mourn those who had perished? Because they had been executed by Jehovah God. To have mourned over them would have been tantamount to finding fault with the execution of Jehovah’s righteous judgments. So Jeremiah was commanded not to mourn over the calamity that was to befall his apostate people Israel. And in the book of Revelation we read that although Babylon the Great was mourned by some of her political and commercial paramours, the hosts of heaven rejoiced at her destruction.—Jer. 15:4-7; Rev. 18:9-20.
Most fittingly, therefore, when King David so greatly mourned the death of his ambitious, perfidious, immoral son Absalom, his general Joab justly reproved David. (2 Sam. 19:1-8) But, on the other hand, when David mourned over unfaithful King Saul, he was given no reproof. (2 Sam. 1:17-27) Why was this? King Saul was Jehovah’s anointed. So David was mourning the individual in loyalty to the anointed office occupied by Saul. (See The Watchtower, October 1, 1938, p. 297.) Besides, David did not want to allow for any suspicion that he rejoiced at the death of his enemy.—Prov. 24:17.
All these things were written for our learning, instruction and comfort at this time of the end of the wicked system of things. (Rom. 15:4; 1 Cor. 10:11) In the near future this generation will see the foretold “great tribulation” that will bring an end to this present wicked system. (Matt. 24:21) At that time none of Jehovah’s faithful servants, the only ones surviving, will mourn over the destruction of the wicked. To the contrary, they will rejoice, even as Moses and his people rejoiced at the destruction of Pharaoh and his army.
MOURNING IN OUR TIME
But what about the present time? With what attitude do we hear of mishaps, great loss of life because of terrible accidents, earthquakes, hurricanes and tidal waves? Without a doubt our human sympathies go out to the victims and, in particular, to the mourning survivors, even though they may not have been lovers of righteousness. After all, they were not executed by Jehovah God for having been wicked. So also when relatives, acquaintances or business associates die, Christians normally show kindness in expressing sincere condolences to surviving family members.
When a faithful anointed Christian dies, even though we confidently believe he has received his heavenly reward, we mourn him. After all, we shall miss him; but we do not sorrow inconsolably as do those who have no hope. (1 Thess. 4:13-15) We also mourn the death of those having an earthly hope even though it is reasonable to expect an early resurrection for these. As Jesus made clear, “all those in the memorial tombs” will come forth in a resurrection.—John 5:28, 29; see also Acts 24:15; Revelation 20:13.
WHY A FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE?
Some have thought that a funeral is for the purpose of eulogizing the deceased, for the purpose of speaking well of such a one and giving him what is known as a “good death.” But is this correct? Remember that Jehovah God permitted the nation of Israel to weep over Nadab and Abihu, the two sons of Aaron who perished because they offered illegitimate fire—although their immediate family was forbidden to mourn them.—Lev. 10:1-7.
Nor can it be said that a funeral service is somewhat like a sacrament that bestows virtue upon the deceased. True, most church members of Christendom would view with horror the prospect of a burial without a church service. Thus the Roman Catholic Church has various kinds of Masses for this very purpose. These may contain blessings for the deceased and are claimed to help a soul in purgatory. However, all such practices have no Scriptural backing, for God’s Word makes clear that the dead are unconscious and remain so until the resurrection.—Eccl. 9:5, 10.
Then why should a funeral or memorial service be held for a deceased person? There are a number of good reasons. To begin with, there is the matter of comforting the bereaved. Christians are commanded to comfort all that mourn, including those among themselves who may mourn. (Isa. 61:1, 2; 2 Cor. 1:3-5) As a rule death causes mourning. In particular, it is comforting to hear a discussion on Jehovah’s marvelous attributes, especially his great love in providing his Son as a ransom so that mankind can have the hope of everlasting life. Aside from personal expressions that they may feel impelled to make, those in attendance bring comfort to the bereaved by their very presence.
There is also the matter of giving a witness to Bible truths. Usually a funeral is attended by neighbors, acquaintances, business associates and relatives, who may not be believers. All these stand to benefit from a funeral or memorial service at which a discourse is given presenting the Bible view as to the condition of the dead, why men die and the hope of a resurrection. Because of such fine purposes being served, it seems that a Christian minister could see his way clear to conduct the funeral of a Witness’ unbelieving relative—or even of one who, in a condition of extreme despondency or mental derangement, had taken his own life. And fellow Christians could extend comfort to the bereaved Witness by attending.
Another good purpose that a funeral service can fulfill is that called to our attention by Solomon. Remember, he said: “Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of all mankind; and the one alive should take it to his heart.” (Eccl. 7:2) The fact of death gives us cause for reflection on the transitoriness of life. It should also help us to appreciate what a blessing life is. In death there is no consciousness, no feeling, no communication, no joy, no accomplishment.
Among some ancient peoples a funeral was an exceedingly sad affair, symbolizing defeat. It was therefore held at night. While it is true that Christians do not sorrow as do others who have no hope, nevertheless it would seem that at a funeral or memorial service, or in the presence of the deceased at home or at a funeral parlor, there should not be any hilarity or jocularity, as though one were at a picnic or a feast. There is a time for every affair, and the time of death is not the time for noisy laughter.—Eccl. 3:1, 4.
And further, when a service is held for a deceased faithful servant of Jehovah God, the occasion could well be used to note that one’s integrity-keeping course in spite of all manner of obstacles. (2 Sam. 1:26) True, as Mark Anthony said in his famed funeral oration: “I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.” So our purpose is not to eulogize or extol creatures, but to consider their example as one to be imitated. As the apostle Paul put it: “[Do] not become sluggish, but be imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.”—Heb. 6:12.
FUNERALS OF DISFELLOWSHIPED PERSONS?
However, suppose the deceased is a disfellowshiped person, someone who has been expelled from the Christian congregation for one reason or another. In “Questions from Readers” (The Watchtower, 1961, p. 544) the position was taken that a funeral for a disfellowshiped person was improper. The comment was made: “We never want to give the impression to outsiders that a disfellowshiped person was acceptable in the congregation when in truth and in fact he was not acceptable but had been disfellowshiped from it.” Are there no exceptions, in arranging a funeral for a disfellowshiped person?
Before answering that question it would be well briefly to review the matter of disfellowshiping. That it has a Scriptural basis can be seen from First Corinthians chapter 5, in which the apostle Paul commands the disfellowshiping of an immoral man. However, it was not until 1952 that Jehovah’s people of modern times acted on the growing urgency along this line. With strong zeal for righteousness and a hatred for what is wicked, they set guidelines for those taking the lead so as to keep congregations spiritually, doctrinally and morally clean.
Through the years Jehovah’s people have come to see the matter of disfellowshiping ever more clearly. Not only were details spelled out, but more and more it was seen that wisdom and love, as well as justice, have come into play. They saw the need of showing mercy to truly repentant erring ones, and of considering extenuating circumstances and any evidence of sincere sorrow. In quite recent years it was also pointed out that there is a difference between the way Christians should conduct themselves toward a notorious sinner or an aggressive apostate and toward one who is viewed as “a man of the nations”—to whom the common courtesy of a greeting may be extended.—Matt. 18:17; 2 John 9, 10.
It would seem that this distinction could even be observed in connection with the funeral of a disfellowshiped person. A Christian congregation would not want its good name besmirched by having it associated with any to whom 2 John 9, 10 applied, even in their death. But suppose a disfellowshiped person had been giving some evidence of genuine repentance and had been coming to the meetings and manifesting a desire to be reinstated in the congregation. Then, if the elders felt that it would not disturb the peace and harmony of the congregation nor bring reproach upon God’s people, there would be no objection to an elder’s giving a talk. How are they to know whether Jehovah has already forgiven him or not, since there is some evidence of repentance? Properly, the elders may have been waiting, wanting to make sure that his seeming repentance was sincere. Obviously, each case being different, it would need to be judged on its own merits. Of course, if a funeral talk is given, care would need to be taken not to dwell on personal matters nor to make any positive statements about whether he will be resurrected. But a fine Scriptural presentation and witness could certainly be given.
Moreover, we should not overlook two of the cardinal reasons for disfellowshiping a wrongdoer. One is to jolt him to his senses if possible. The other is to protect the congregation from his bad influence. Neither of these would apply now, since the disfellowshiped person is deceased. Even where a disfellowshiped person has continued as a mere “man of the nations,” so to speak, a Scriptural funeral talk can serve more than one good purpose, even as previously noted: It can provide comfort for the bereaved and a witness to outsiders. The very fact that a fine witness is given can be a comfort and consolation to the bereaved ones regardless of the circumstances.
We alone of all earth’s creatures were made in God’s image. Because of this we have the capacity to appreciate what death is all about. That is why we also have the capacity to mourn another’s loss of life and the desire to comfort bereaved ones. Is not our heavenly Father truly “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort”? Surely! So in the matter of mourning and funerals we let his principles of wisdom, justice and love dictate our feelings and actions, even as they should in all other affairs of life.—2 Cor. 1:3, 4; 1 Cor. 16:14.
[Footnotes]
The Uniqueness of Man, edited by J. D. Roslansky.
MOURNING
Mourning among Oriental peoples was customarily accompanied by much outward display of grief, and this is reflected in the Biblical accounts of periods of mourning. One entire book of the Bible, Lamentations, is an expression of mourning over the fate of Jerusalem.
Causes of Mourning. Persons mourned to express repentance (Ne 9:1, 2; Jon 3:5-9), or because of the imminence of calamity (Es 4:3; Jer 6:26; Am 5:16, 17) or a disastrous condition already prevailing (Joe 1:5-14). The most common cause of mourning, undoubtedly, was death. The death of a member of the immediate family set in motion a period of mourning (Ge 23:2; 27:41; 37:33-35), while the death of a parent or of an only son are set out as occasions of the deepest grief. (Ps 35:14; Am 8:10; Zec 12:10) The death of a national leader occasioned periods of mourning lasting from 7 to 30 days. (Nu 20:29; De 34:8; 1Sa 31:8, 12, 13) The Egyptians continued to shed tears over the death of Joseph’s father Jacob for 70 days, with an additional 7-day period of mourning rites in Canaan.—Ge 50:3-11.
Ways of Expressing Sorrow. Mourning was given expression vocally and by weeping, as well as by disfigurement of the physical appearance and by fasting or otherwise abstaining from normal practices. Wailing or loud and bitter crying might accompany the weeping (2Sa 1:11, 12; Es 4:1), the chest was beaten (Isa 32:11, 12; Na 2:7; Lu 8:52), garments were often ripped apart (Jg 11:35; 2Ki 22:11, 19), dust or ashes might be cast on the head and sackcloth be worn (2Sa 13:19; 2Ki 6:30; Job 2:11, 12), sandals might be removed and the head or face be covered (2Sa 15:30; 19:4), the hair might be pulled out or cut off and the beard shaved (Job 1:20; Ezr 9:3; Jer 41:5), while some persons, following pagan practices, made cuts in their body (Jer 16:6; 47:5). In addition to fasting, the person might abstain from rubbing himself with oil or washing his garments (2Sa 14:2; 19:24; Da 10:2, 3), sometimes sitting on the ground or amid ashes.—2Sa 13:31; Job 2:8; Isa 3:26.
Plaintive elegies at times were composed as songs of mourning. (2Sa 1:17-27; 3:33, 34; 2Ch 35:25) A particular type of song was the shig·ga·yohn´, a Hebrew term that occurs in the superscription of Psalm 7; a related term appears in Habakkuk 3:1. This was a dirgelike composition and apparently indicates a highly emotional song with rapid changes of rhythm. It will be noted in both of these references (Ps 7; Hab 3:2-19) that the elements of danger, strong outbursts of appeal or emotion, and subsequent rejoicing in Jehovah are present.
Occasionally, professional mourners were employed at funerals, and musicians played mournful tunes (Jer 9:17, 18; Mt 9:23); these were imitated by little children playing in the marketplaces in the time of Jesus’ earthly ministry. (Mt 11:16, 17) The pipe or flute was the preferred instrument for lamentation.—Jer 48:36; Mt 9:23; see Josephus’ Jewish War, III, 437 (ix, 5).
After a burial the women customarily visited the grave, to weep and mourn. (Joh 11:31) A funeral meal seems to have been served sometime during the mourning period and, in some instances, appears to have been made into a special feast.—Ho 9:4; Jer 16:5, 7.
Prohibitions Involving Mourning. On occasion God’s people as a body, or as individuals, were instructed not to mourn over the death of certain ones, such as condemned wrongdoers. (Le 10:1, 2, 6) The prophet Ezekiel was commanded to adopt none of the signs of mourning for his deceased wife, thereby serving as a portent for the Israelites with him in Babylon that they would be so stunned that they would not mourn the divine execution of judgment on Jerusalem for its unfaithfulness. (Eze 24:15-24) Jeremiah received somewhat similar instructions.—Jer 16:5-13.
Certain mourning practices were forbidden under the Mosaic Law, including the inflicting of cuts in the flesh or causing of “baldness on your foreheads” (Le 19:28; De 14:1) and the misuse of tithes in connection with the dead. (De 26:12-14) For certain members of their immediate families the priests could mourn openly, but the high priest was restricted from doing so.—Le 21:1-6, 10-12.
A Time to Mourn. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 states that there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to wail and a time to skip about.” In view of all mankind’s dying condition, the heart of the wise ones is shown to be “in the house of mourning” rather than in the banquet house. (Ec 7:2, 4; compare Pr 14:13.) Thus, the wise person makes use of his opportunity to express sympathy and give comfort, instead of ignoring such an occasion in favor of seeking pleasure. This helps him to keep in mind his own mortal state and to keep his heart in a right attitude toward his Creator.
Valid motives for mourning are set forth in the Scriptures. In addition to the death of loved ones (Ge 42:38; 44:31), detestable and God-dishonoring practices of false religion are a cause for sighing and groaning (Eze 9:4; compare 1Co 5:2), and grief is rightly expressed because of one’s own errors. (Ps 38:4, 6-10) Jehovah urges those who have drawn away from him: “Come back to me with all your hearts, and with fasting and with weeping and with wailing. And rip apart your hearts, and not your garments.” (Joe 2:12, 13; compare Jas 4:8, 9.) Elsewhere, also, stress is laid, not on the external expressions of grief or mourning, but on the inner stirrings and pain of heart, marking genuine sadness.—Ps 31:9, 10; Pr 14:10; 15:13; Mr 14:72; Joh 16:6.
Even Jehovah speaks of himself as being “hurt at his heart.” (Ge 6:6; compare Isa 63:9.) God’s holy spirit can also be ‘grieved.’ (Eph 4:30) Since that spirit works in God’s servants toward the producing of fruits of righteousness (Ga 5:22-24), those who fail to appreciate this divine provision, who resist its working, and who go contrary to its leading are, in effect, “grieving” it.—Compare Isa 63:10; 1Th 5:19.
A Balanced View of Mourning. In the time of Jesus’ earthly ministry, mourning was still frequently carried on by the people with much outward expression and accompanying noise and confusion. (Mr 5:38, 39) Though Jesus ‘groaned within himself’ and wept on a number of occasions (Joh 11:33-35, 38; Lu 19:41; Mr 14:33, 34; Heb 5:7), there is no record of his employing the other more ostentatious expressions already described. (Compare Lu 23:27, 28.) His disciples likewise expressed grief and mourning. (Mt 9:15; Joh 16:20-22; Ac 8:2; 9:39; 20:37, 38; Php 2:27) Paul expressed “great grief and unceasing pain in [his] heart” over his unbelieving relatives according to the flesh. (Ro 9:2, 3) He feared that he might have to mourn over those in the congregation at Corinth who had sinned and had still not repented (2Co 12:21), and he mentioned “with weeping” those who had turned aside to walk “as the enemies of the torture stake of the Christ.” (Php 3:17-19) His deep and heartfelt concern for the Christian congregation (2Co 2:1-4) qualified him to instruct others on the need for empathy and sympathy, ‘weeping with people who weep.’—Ro 12:15.
However, in view of the weakening effect of mourning and grief (Ps 6:6, 7; Lu 22:45; Ac 21:13; 2Co 2:6, 7), Christian sorrow is shown always to be tempered, balanced, and even overshadowed by hope and strength-giving joy. (Mt 5:4; 1Co 7:29, 30; 2Co 6:10; compare Ne 8:9-12.) Even in his day King David manifested a balanced, sensible, and principled viewpoint as to mourning, so that while the child conceived through his adulterous relationship with Bath-sheba was ill, David fasted and lay on the earth, seeking the true God in the child’s behalf. But upon learning of the child’s death, David got up, washed, rubbed himself with oil, changed clothes, prayed to Jehovah, and then requested food and began to eat. In explaining his acts to his surprised attendants, he stated: “Now that he has died, why is it I am fasting? Am I able to bring him back again? I am going to him, but, as for him, he will not return to me.” (2Sa 12:16, 19-23) Later, however, he needed help from straight-speaking Joab to pull out of his state of deep grief over the death of his son Absalom.—2Sa 18:33; 19:1-8.
Though “all creation keeps on groaning,” the sufferings of the Christian are minor compared with the glorious hope ahead (Ro 8:18-22; 1Pe 1:3-7), and the promise of the resurrection enables him not to “sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.”—1Th 4:13, 14.
Mourning and fasting without obedience to Jehovah’s word are of no benefit. (Zec 7:2-7) However, “sadness in a godly way makes for repentance to salvation.” Such sadness is the result of a person’s seeing a wrongdoing as a sin against God. It moves him to seek God’s forgiveness and to turn around from his wrong course. “But the sadness of the world produces death.” Although a person may be sad that his wrong was exposed and that this has meant loss to him, he has no desire to gain God’s forgiveness. (2Co 7:10, 11) For example, Esau’s tears shed selfishly in hope of regaining his forfeited birthright had no effect on Isaac or on God.—Heb 12:16, 17.
Figurative and Prophetic Use. Figuratively, even the land is represented as mourning because of devastations caused by invading armies or by a plague. (Jer 4:27, 28; Joe 1:10-12; contrast Ps 96:11-13.) In its desolation, the land would grow up in weeds and develop a neglected, uncared-for appearance, like that of a person who has not attended to his face, hair, or clothing while in mourning. Similarly, land devastated by a plague upon the crops presents a mournful sight.
“The sign of the Son of man” and Christ’s revelation are to cause all the tribes of the earth to “beat themselves in lamentation,” or “in grief.” (Mt 24:30; Re 1:7) Upon symbolic “Babylon the Great” plagues—death, mourning, and famine—are foretold to come “in one day,” causing those who have benefited from her to weep and mourn. (Re 18:2, 7-11, 17-19) By contrast, the New Jerusalem brings in conditions upon earth in which tears, death, mourning, outcry, and pain pass away for all time.—Re 21:2-4.
Mourning among Oriental peoples was customarily accompanied by much outward display of grief, and this is reflected in the Biblical accounts of periods of mourning. One entire book of the Bible, Lamentations, is an expression of mourning over the fate of Jerusalem.
Causes of Mourning. Persons mourned to express repentance (Ne 9:1, 2; Jon 3:5-9), or because of the imminence of calamity (Es 4:3; Jer 6:26; Am 5:16, 17) or a disastrous condition already prevailing (Joe 1:5-14). The most common cause of mourning, undoubtedly, was death. The death of a member of the immediate family set in motion a period of mourning (Ge 23:2; 27:41; 37:33-35), while the death of a parent or of an only son are set out as occasions of the deepest grief. (Ps 35:14; Am 8:10; Zec 12:10) The death of a national leader occasioned periods of mourning lasting from 7 to 30 days. (Nu 20:29; De 34:8; 1Sa 31:8, 12, 13) The Egyptians continued to shed tears over the death of Joseph’s father Jacob for 70 days, with an additional 7-day period of mourning rites in Canaan.—Ge 50:3-11.
Ways of Expressing Sorrow. Mourning was given expression vocally and by weeping, as well as by disfigurement of the physical appearance and by fasting or otherwise abstaining from normal practices. Wailing or loud and bitter crying might accompany the weeping (2Sa 1:11, 12; Es 4:1), the chest was beaten (Isa 32:11, 12; Na 2:7; Lu 8:52), garments were often ripped apart (Jg 11:35; 2Ki 22:11, 19), dust or ashes might be cast on the head and sackcloth be worn (2Sa 13:19; 2Ki 6:30; Job 2:11, 12), sandals might be removed and the head or face be covered (2Sa 15:30; 19:4), the hair might be pulled out or cut off and the beard shaved (Job 1:20; Ezr 9:3; Jer 41:5), while some persons, following pagan practices, made cuts in their body (Jer 16:6; 47:5). In addition to fasting, the person might abstain from rubbing himself with oil or washing his garments (2Sa 14:2; 19:24; Da 10:2, 3), sometimes sitting on the ground or amid ashes.—2Sa 13:31; Job 2:8; Isa 3:26.
Plaintive elegies at times were composed as songs of mourning. (2Sa 1:17-27; 3:33, 34; 2Ch 35:25) A particular type of song was the shig·ga·yohn´, a Hebrew term that occurs in the superscription of Psalm 7; a related term appears in Habakkuk 3:1. This was a dirgelike composition and apparently indicates a highly emotional song with rapid changes of rhythm. It will be noted in both of these references (Ps 7; Hab 3:2-19) that the elements of danger, strong outbursts of appeal or emotion, and subsequent rejoicing in Jehovah are present.
Occasionally, professional mourners were employed at funerals, and musicians played mournful tunes (Jer 9:17, 18; Mt 9:23); these were imitated by little children playing in the marketplaces in the time of Jesus’ earthly ministry. (Mt 11:16, 17) The pipe or flute was the preferred instrument for lamentation.—Jer 48:36; Mt 9:23; see Josephus’ Jewish War, III, 437 (ix, 5).
After a burial the women customarily visited the grave, to weep and mourn. (Joh 11:31) A funeral meal seems to have been served sometime during the mourning period and, in some instances, appears to have been made into a special feast.—Ho 9:4; Jer 16:5, 7.
Prohibitions Involving Mourning. On occasion God’s people as a body, or as individuals, were instructed not to mourn over the death of certain ones, such as condemned wrongdoers. (Le 10:1, 2, 6) The prophet Ezekiel was commanded to adopt none of the signs of mourning for his deceased wife, thereby serving as a portent for the Israelites with him in Babylon that they would be so stunned that they would not mourn the divine execution of judgment on Jerusalem for its unfaithfulness. (Eze 24:15-24) Jeremiah received somewhat similar instructions.—Jer 16:5-13.
Certain mourning practices were forbidden under the Mosaic Law, including the inflicting of cuts in the flesh or causing of “baldness on your foreheads” (Le 19:28; De 14:1) and the misuse of tithes in connection with the dead. (De 26:12-14) For certain members of their immediate families the priests could mourn openly, but the high priest was restricted from doing so.—Le 21:1-6, 10-12.
A Time to Mourn. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 states that there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to wail and a time to skip about.” In view of all mankind’s dying condition, the heart of the wise ones is shown to be “in the house of mourning” rather than in the banquet house. (Ec 7:2, 4; compare Pr 14:13.) Thus, the wise person makes use of his opportunity to express sympathy and give comfort, instead of ignoring such an occasion in favor of seeking pleasure. This helps him to keep in mind his own mortal state and to keep his heart in a right attitude toward his Creator.
Valid motives for mourning are set forth in the Scriptures. In addition to the death of loved ones (Ge 42:38; 44:31), detestable and God-dishonoring practices of false religion are a cause for sighing and groaning (Eze 9:4; compare 1Co 5:2), and grief is rightly expressed because of one’s own errors. (Ps 38:4, 6-10) Jehovah urges those who have drawn away from him: “Come back to me with all your hearts, and with fasting and with weeping and with wailing. And rip apart your hearts, and not your garments.” (Joe 2:12, 13; compare Jas 4:8, 9.) Elsewhere, also, stress is laid, not on the external expressions of grief or mourning, but on the inner stirrings and pain of heart, marking genuine sadness.—Ps 31:9, 10; Pr 14:10; 15:13; Mr 14:72; Joh 16:6.
Even Jehovah speaks of himself as being “hurt at his heart.” (Ge 6:6; compare Isa 63:9.) God’s holy spirit can also be ‘grieved.’ (Eph 4:30) Since that spirit works in God’s servants toward the producing of fruits of righteousness (Ga 5:22-24), those who fail to appreciate this divine provision, who resist its working, and who go contrary to its leading are, in effect, “grieving” it.—Compare Isa 63:10; 1Th 5:19.
A Balanced View of Mourning. In the time of Jesus’ earthly ministry, mourning was still frequently carried on by the people with much outward expression and accompanying noise and confusion. (Mr 5:38, 39) Though Jesus ‘groaned within himself’ and wept on a number of occasions (Joh 11:33-35, 38; Lu 19:41; Mr 14:33, 34; Heb 5:7), there is no record of his employing the other more ostentatious expressions already described. (Compare Lu 23:27, 28.) His disciples likewise expressed grief and mourning. (Mt 9:15; Joh 16:20-22; Ac 8:2; 9:39; 20:37, 38; Php 2:27) Paul expressed “great grief and unceasing pain in [his] heart” over his unbelieving relatives according to the flesh. (Ro 9:2, 3) He feared that he might have to mourn over those in the congregation at Corinth who had sinned and had still not repented (2Co 12:21), and he mentioned “with weeping” those who had turned aside to walk “as the enemies of the torture stake of the Christ.” (Php 3:17-19) His deep and heartfelt concern for the Christian congregation (2Co 2:1-4) qualified him to instruct others on the need for empathy and sympathy, ‘weeping with people who weep.’—Ro 12:15.
However, in view of the weakening effect of mourning and grief (Ps 6:6, 7; Lu 22:45; Ac 21:13; 2Co 2:6, 7), Christian sorrow is shown always to be tempered, balanced, and even overshadowed by hope and strength-giving joy. (Mt 5:4; 1Co 7:29, 30; 2Co 6:10; compare Ne 8:9-12.) Even in his day King David manifested a balanced, sensible, and principled viewpoint as to mourning, so that while the child conceived through his adulterous relationship with Bath-sheba was ill, David fasted and lay on the earth, seeking the true God in the child’s behalf. But upon learning of the child’s death, David got up, washed, rubbed himself with oil, changed clothes, prayed to Jehovah, and then requested food and began to eat. In explaining his acts to his surprised attendants, he stated: “Now that he has died, why is it I am fasting? Am I able to bring him back again? I am going to him, but, as for him, he will not return to me.” (2Sa 12:16, 19-23) Later, however, he needed help from straight-speaking Joab to pull out of his state of deep grief over the death of his son Absalom.—2Sa 18:33; 19:1-8.
Though “all creation keeps on groaning,” the sufferings of the Christian are minor compared with the glorious hope ahead (Ro 8:18-22; 1Pe 1:3-7), and the promise of the resurrection enables him not to “sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.”—1Th 4:13, 14.
Mourning and fasting without obedience to Jehovah’s word are of no benefit. (Zec 7:2-7) However, “sadness in a godly way makes for repentance to salvation.” Such sadness is the result of a person’s seeing a wrongdoing as a sin against God. It moves him to seek God’s forgiveness and to turn around from his wrong course. “But the sadness of the world produces death.” Although a person may be sad that his wrong was exposed and that this has meant loss to him, he has no desire to gain God’s forgiveness. (2Co 7:10, 11) For example, Esau’s tears shed selfishly in hope of regaining his forfeited birthright had no effect on Isaac or on God.—Heb 12:16, 17.
Figurative and Prophetic Use. Figuratively, even the land is represented as mourning because of devastations caused by invading armies or by a plague. (Jer 4:27, 28; Joe 1:10-12; contrast Ps 96:11-13.) In its desolation, the land would grow up in weeds and develop a neglected, uncared-for appearance, like that of a person who has not attended to his face, hair, or clothing while in mourning. Similarly, land devastated by a plague upon the crops presents a mournful sight.
“The sign of the Son of man” and Christ’s revelation are to cause all the tribes of the earth to “beat themselves in lamentation,” or “in grief.” (Mt 24:30; Re 1:7) Upon symbolic “Babylon the Great” plagues—death, mourning, and famine—are foretold to come “in one day,” causing those who have benefited from her to weep and mourn. (Re 18:2, 7-11, 17-19) By contrast, the New Jerusalem brings in conditions upon earth in which tears, death, mourning, outcry, and pain pass away for all time.—Re 21:2-4.
Life After Death—How, Where, When?
MAN’S Creator and Life-Giver gives his personal guarantee that human death does not necessarily end life forever. Furthermore, God assures us that it is possible not only to live again for a further limited life span but to live with the prospect of never facing death again! The apostle Paul put it simply, yet confidently: “He [God] has furnished a guarantee to all men in that he has resurrected him [Christ Jesus] from the dead.”—Acts 17:31.
Of course, this still leaves unanswered three basic questions: How can a dead person come back to life? When will this happen? Where does that new life come into existence? Throughout the world, diverse answers have been given to these questions, but a vital key to determining the truth of the matter is to understand accurately what happens to humans at the time of their death.
Is Immortality the Answer?
A widely held belief is that a part of all humans is immortal and that only their bodies die. You certainly have heard such a claim. This part that is claimed to be immortal is referred to variously as “soul” or “spirit.” It is said to survive the death of the body and continue to live elsewhere. Frankly, such a belief did not originate in the Bible. True, ancient Hebrew Bible characters did look forward to life after death, but not by survival of some immortal part of them. They confidently looked forward to a future return to life on earth through the miracle of a resurrection.
The patriarch Abraham is an outstanding example of one who had faith in a future resurrection of the dead. Describing Abraham’s willingness to offer up his son Isaac in sacrifice, Hebrews 11:17-19 tells us: “By faith Abraham, when he was tested, as good as offered up Isaac, . . . but he reckoned that God was able to raise him up even from the dead; and from there he did receive him also in an illustrative way,” since God did not require that Isaac be sacrificed. Further testifying to the early belief among the Israelites that they would come back to life again at a later time (rather than have an immediate continuation of life in a spirit realm), the prophet Hosea wrote: “From the hand of Sheol [the common grave of mankind] I shall redeem them; from death I shall recover them.”—Hosea 13:14.
So when did the idea of inherent human immortality come into Jewish thinking and belief? The Encyclopaedia Judaica admits that “it was probably under Greek influence that the doctrine of the immortality of the soul came into Judaism.” Nevertheless, devout Jews up until the time of Christ still believed in and looked forward to a future resurrection. We can see this clearly from Jesus’ conversation with Martha at the death of her brother Lazarus: “Martha therefore said to Jesus: ‘Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.’ . . . Jesus said to her: ‘Your brother will rise.’ Martha said to him: ‘I know he will rise in the resurrection on the last day.’”—John 11:21-24.
Condition of the Dead
Here again, there is no need to guess at the matter. The simple Bible truth is that the dead are “asleep,” unconscious, with absolutely no feeling or knowledge. Such truth is not presented in a complex, difficult-to-comprehend manner in the Bible. Consider these easy-to-understand scriptures: “The living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all . . . All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power, for there is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in Sheol, the place to which you are going.” (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10) “Do not put your trust in nobles, nor in the son of earthling man, to whom no salvation belongs. His spirit goes out, he goes back to his ground; in that day his thoughts do perish.”—Psalm 146:3, 4.
It is understandable, then, why Jesus Christ referred to death as a sleep. The apostle John records a conversation between Jesus and his disciples: “He said to them: ‘Lazarus our friend has gone to rest, but I am journeying there to awaken him from sleep.’ Therefore the disciples said to him: ‘Lord, if he has gone to rest, he will get well.’ Jesus had spoken, however, about his death. But they imagined he was speaking about taking rest in sleep. At that time, therefore, Jesus said to them outspokenly: ‘Lazarus has died.’”—John 11:11-14.
The Entire Person Dies
The process of human death involves the entire person, not just the death of the body. According to clear Biblical statements, we must conclude that man does not possess an immortal soul that can survive the death of his body. The Scriptures clearly indicate that a soul can die. “Look! All the souls—to me they belong. As the soul of the father so likewise the soul of the son—to me they belong. The soul that is sinning—it itself will die.” (Ezekiel 18:4) Nowhere are the words “immortal” or “immortality” spoken of as being inherent in mankind.
The New Catholic Encyclopedia supplies this interesting background on the Hebrew and Greek words rendered “soul” in the Bible: “Soul in the OT [Old Testament] is nepeš, in the NT [New Testament] [psy·khe´]. . . . Nepeš comes from an original root probably meaning to breathe, and thus . . . since breath distinguishes the living from the dead, nepeš came to mean life or self or simply individual life. . . . There is no dichotomy [division into two parts] of body and soul in the OT. The Israelite saw things concretely, in their totality, and thus he considered men as persons and not as composites. The term nepeš, though translated by our word soul, never means soul as distinct from the body or the individual person. . . . The term [psy·khe´] is the NT word corresponding with nepeš. It can mean the principle of life, life itself, or the living being.”
You can thus see that at the time of death, the previously alive person, or the living soul, ceases to exist. The body goes back to “dust” or to the elements of the earth either gradually by burial and subsequent decay or hastened by cremation. Jehovah told Adam: “Dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Genesis 3:19) How, then, is life after death possible? It is because God has his own memory of the person who died. Jehovah has the miraculous power and ability to create humans, so it should not be surprising that he in his memory can preserve a record of the life pattern of the individual. Yes, all prospects for that one to live again rest with God.
This is the sense of the word “spirit,” which is spoken of as returning to the true God who gave it. Describing this outcome, the inspired writer of the book of Ecclesiastes explains: “Then the dust returns to the earth just as it happened to be and the spirit itself returns to the true God who gave it.”—Ecclesiastes 12:7.
Only God can make someone live. When God created man in Eden and blew into his nostrils “the breath of life,” in addition to filling Adam’s lungs with air, Jehovah caused the life-force to vitalize all the cells in his body. (Genesis 2:7) Because this life-force can be passed on from parents to children through the process of conception and birth, a human life can properly be attributed to God though, of course, received through the parents.
Resurrection—A Happy Time
Resurrection should not be confused with reincarnation, which finds no support in the Holy Scriptures. Reincarnation is the belief that after a person dies, he is reborn in one or more successive existences. This is said to be on either a higher plane or a lower plane of existence compared to one’s previous life, depending on what record was supposedly built up during that previous lifetime. According to this belief, one may be “reborn” either as a human or as an animal. That is quite in conflict with what the Bible teaches.
The word “resurrection” is translated from the Greek word a·na´sta·sis, which literally means “a standing up again.” (Hebrew translators of the Greek have rendered a·na´sta·sis with the Hebrew words techi·yath´ ham·me·thim´, meaning “revival of the dead.”) Resurrection involves a reactivating of the life pattern of the individual, which life pattern God has retained in his memory. According to God’s will for the individual, the person is restored in either a human body or a spirit body; yet he retains his personal identity, having the same personality and memories as when he died.
Yes, the Bible speaks of two kinds of resurrection. One is a resurrection to heaven with a spirit body; this is for a comparative few. Jesus Christ received such a resurrection. (1 Peter 3:18) And he indicated that such would be experienced by selected ones among his footstep followers, starting with the faithful apostles, to whom he gave the promise: “I am going my way to prepare a place for you. . . . I am coming again and will receive you home to myself, that where I am you also may be.” (John 14:2, 3) The Bible refers to this as “the first resurrection,” first in time and in rank. The Scriptures describe those thus resurrected to heavenly life as being priests of God and as ruling as kings with Christ Jesus. (Revelation 20:6) This “first resurrection” is for a limited number, and the Scriptures themselves reveal that just 144,000 will be taken from among faithful men and women. They will have proved their integrity to Jehovah God and Christ Jesus right down to their death, having been active in bearing witness to others about their faith.—Revelation 14:1, 3, 4.
Without doubt, the resurrection of the dead is a time of boundless happiness for those resurrected to life in heaven. But the happiness does not end there, for also promised is a resurrection to life right here on earth. Those resurrected will join an unlimited number who survive the end of the present wicked system. After viewing the small number who qualify for a heavenly resurrection, the apostle John was given a vision of “a great crowd, which no man was able to number, out of all nations and tribes and peoples and tongues.” What a happy time that will be when millions, possibly billions, come back to life here on earth!—Revelation 7:9, 16, 17.
When Will It Be?
Any joy and happiness would be short-lived if the dead came back to an earth that was filled with strife, bloodshed, pollution, and violence—as is the situation today. No, the resurrection must await the setting up of “a new earth.” Imagine, a planet cleansed of people and institutions that up until now seem bent on ruining the earth and spoiling its pristine beauty, to say nothing of the untold misery they have brought upon its inhabitants.—2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 11:18.
Obviously, the time for the general resurrection of mankind is still ahead. Yet the good news is that it is not a long way off. True, it must wait for the end of this present evil system of things. However, abundant evidence proves that the time for the sudden outbreak of the “great tribulation” is at hand, culminating in “the war of the great day of God the Almighty”—commonly referred to as Armageddon. (Matthew 24:3-14, 21; Revelation 16:14, 16) This will bring about the removal of all wickedness from this delightful planet, Earth. Following that will come the Thousand Year Reign of Christ Jesus, when the earth will be brought progressively into a paradise state.
The Bible reveals that during this Millennial reign, the resurrection of human dead will take place. Then will be fulfilled the promise Jesus made while on earth: “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out . . . to a resurrection.”—John 5:28, 29.
Effect of Resurrection Hope
What a wonderful hope for the future is this prospect of a resurrection—a time when the dead will come back to life! How it encourages us as we face the rigors of advancing age, sickness, unexpected calamities and sorrow, and just everyday pressures and problems of life! It takes away the sting of death—not eliminating sorrow altogether but separating us from those who have no hope for the future. The apostle Paul acknowledged this comforting effect of the resurrection hope in these words: “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope. For if our faith is that Jesus died and rose again, so, too, those who have fallen asleep in death through Jesus God will bring with him.”—1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14.
We may already have experienced the truth of another observation made by the Oriental man Job: “Man wastes away like something rotten, like a garment eaten by moths. Man born of woman is of few days and full of trouble. He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.” (Job 13:28–14:2, New International Version) We too are aware of the uncertainty of life and the grim reality that “time and unforeseen occurrence” can befall any one of us. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) For sure, none of us enjoy the thought of facing the process of dying. Still, the sure hope of a resurrection does help take away overwhelming fear of death.
Take heart, then! Look beyond a possible sleep in death to a coming back to life through the miracle of the resurrection. Look forward confidently to the prospect of a future life without end, and add to this the joy of knowing that such a blessed time is in the near future.
MAN’S Creator and Life-Giver gives his personal guarantee that human death does not necessarily end life forever. Furthermore, God assures us that it is possible not only to live again for a further limited life span but to live with the prospect of never facing death again! The apostle Paul put it simply, yet confidently: “He [God] has furnished a guarantee to all men in that he has resurrected him [Christ Jesus] from the dead.”—Acts 17:31.
Of course, this still leaves unanswered three basic questions: How can a dead person come back to life? When will this happen? Where does that new life come into existence? Throughout the world, diverse answers have been given to these questions, but a vital key to determining the truth of the matter is to understand accurately what happens to humans at the time of their death.
Is Immortality the Answer?
A widely held belief is that a part of all humans is immortal and that only their bodies die. You certainly have heard such a claim. This part that is claimed to be immortal is referred to variously as “soul” or “spirit.” It is said to survive the death of the body and continue to live elsewhere. Frankly, such a belief did not originate in the Bible. True, ancient Hebrew Bible characters did look forward to life after death, but not by survival of some immortal part of them. They confidently looked forward to a future return to life on earth through the miracle of a resurrection.
The patriarch Abraham is an outstanding example of one who had faith in a future resurrection of the dead. Describing Abraham’s willingness to offer up his son Isaac in sacrifice, Hebrews 11:17-19 tells us: “By faith Abraham, when he was tested, as good as offered up Isaac, . . . but he reckoned that God was able to raise him up even from the dead; and from there he did receive him also in an illustrative way,” since God did not require that Isaac be sacrificed. Further testifying to the early belief among the Israelites that they would come back to life again at a later time (rather than have an immediate continuation of life in a spirit realm), the prophet Hosea wrote: “From the hand of Sheol [the common grave of mankind] I shall redeem them; from death I shall recover them.”—Hosea 13:14.
So when did the idea of inherent human immortality come into Jewish thinking and belief? The Encyclopaedia Judaica admits that “it was probably under Greek influence that the doctrine of the immortality of the soul came into Judaism.” Nevertheless, devout Jews up until the time of Christ still believed in and looked forward to a future resurrection. We can see this clearly from Jesus’ conversation with Martha at the death of her brother Lazarus: “Martha therefore said to Jesus: ‘Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.’ . . . Jesus said to her: ‘Your brother will rise.’ Martha said to him: ‘I know he will rise in the resurrection on the last day.’”—John 11:21-24.
Condition of the Dead
Here again, there is no need to guess at the matter. The simple Bible truth is that the dead are “asleep,” unconscious, with absolutely no feeling or knowledge. Such truth is not presented in a complex, difficult-to-comprehend manner in the Bible. Consider these easy-to-understand scriptures: “The living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all . . . All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power, for there is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in Sheol, the place to which you are going.” (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10) “Do not put your trust in nobles, nor in the son of earthling man, to whom no salvation belongs. His spirit goes out, he goes back to his ground; in that day his thoughts do perish.”—Psalm 146:3, 4.
It is understandable, then, why Jesus Christ referred to death as a sleep. The apostle John records a conversation between Jesus and his disciples: “He said to them: ‘Lazarus our friend has gone to rest, but I am journeying there to awaken him from sleep.’ Therefore the disciples said to him: ‘Lord, if he has gone to rest, he will get well.’ Jesus had spoken, however, about his death. But they imagined he was speaking about taking rest in sleep. At that time, therefore, Jesus said to them outspokenly: ‘Lazarus has died.’”—John 11:11-14.
The Entire Person Dies
The process of human death involves the entire person, not just the death of the body. According to clear Biblical statements, we must conclude that man does not possess an immortal soul that can survive the death of his body. The Scriptures clearly indicate that a soul can die. “Look! All the souls—to me they belong. As the soul of the father so likewise the soul of the son—to me they belong. The soul that is sinning—it itself will die.” (Ezekiel 18:4) Nowhere are the words “immortal” or “immortality” spoken of as being inherent in mankind.
The New Catholic Encyclopedia supplies this interesting background on the Hebrew and Greek words rendered “soul” in the Bible: “Soul in the OT [Old Testament] is nepeš, in the NT [New Testament] [psy·khe´]. . . . Nepeš comes from an original root probably meaning to breathe, and thus . . . since breath distinguishes the living from the dead, nepeš came to mean life or self or simply individual life. . . . There is no dichotomy [division into two parts] of body and soul in the OT. The Israelite saw things concretely, in their totality, and thus he considered men as persons and not as composites. The term nepeš, though translated by our word soul, never means soul as distinct from the body or the individual person. . . . The term [psy·khe´] is the NT word corresponding with nepeš. It can mean the principle of life, life itself, or the living being.”
You can thus see that at the time of death, the previously alive person, or the living soul, ceases to exist. The body goes back to “dust” or to the elements of the earth either gradually by burial and subsequent decay or hastened by cremation. Jehovah told Adam: “Dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Genesis 3:19) How, then, is life after death possible? It is because God has his own memory of the person who died. Jehovah has the miraculous power and ability to create humans, so it should not be surprising that he in his memory can preserve a record of the life pattern of the individual. Yes, all prospects for that one to live again rest with God.
This is the sense of the word “spirit,” which is spoken of as returning to the true God who gave it. Describing this outcome, the inspired writer of the book of Ecclesiastes explains: “Then the dust returns to the earth just as it happened to be and the spirit itself returns to the true God who gave it.”—Ecclesiastes 12:7.
Only God can make someone live. When God created man in Eden and blew into his nostrils “the breath of life,” in addition to filling Adam’s lungs with air, Jehovah caused the life-force to vitalize all the cells in his body. (Genesis 2:7) Because this life-force can be passed on from parents to children through the process of conception and birth, a human life can properly be attributed to God though, of course, received through the parents.
Resurrection—A Happy Time
Resurrection should not be confused with reincarnation, which finds no support in the Holy Scriptures. Reincarnation is the belief that after a person dies, he is reborn in one or more successive existences. This is said to be on either a higher plane or a lower plane of existence compared to one’s previous life, depending on what record was supposedly built up during that previous lifetime. According to this belief, one may be “reborn” either as a human or as an animal. That is quite in conflict with what the Bible teaches.
The word “resurrection” is translated from the Greek word a·na´sta·sis, which literally means “a standing up again.” (Hebrew translators of the Greek have rendered a·na´sta·sis with the Hebrew words techi·yath´ ham·me·thim´, meaning “revival of the dead.”) Resurrection involves a reactivating of the life pattern of the individual, which life pattern God has retained in his memory. According to God’s will for the individual, the person is restored in either a human body or a spirit body; yet he retains his personal identity, having the same personality and memories as when he died.
Yes, the Bible speaks of two kinds of resurrection. One is a resurrection to heaven with a spirit body; this is for a comparative few. Jesus Christ received such a resurrection. (1 Peter 3:18) And he indicated that such would be experienced by selected ones among his footstep followers, starting with the faithful apostles, to whom he gave the promise: “I am going my way to prepare a place for you. . . . I am coming again and will receive you home to myself, that where I am you also may be.” (John 14:2, 3) The Bible refers to this as “the first resurrection,” first in time and in rank. The Scriptures describe those thus resurrected to heavenly life as being priests of God and as ruling as kings with Christ Jesus. (Revelation 20:6) This “first resurrection” is for a limited number, and the Scriptures themselves reveal that just 144,000 will be taken from among faithful men and women. They will have proved their integrity to Jehovah God and Christ Jesus right down to their death, having been active in bearing witness to others about their faith.—Revelation 14:1, 3, 4.
Without doubt, the resurrection of the dead is a time of boundless happiness for those resurrected to life in heaven. But the happiness does not end there, for also promised is a resurrection to life right here on earth. Those resurrected will join an unlimited number who survive the end of the present wicked system. After viewing the small number who qualify for a heavenly resurrection, the apostle John was given a vision of “a great crowd, which no man was able to number, out of all nations and tribes and peoples and tongues.” What a happy time that will be when millions, possibly billions, come back to life here on earth!—Revelation 7:9, 16, 17.
When Will It Be?
Any joy and happiness would be short-lived if the dead came back to an earth that was filled with strife, bloodshed, pollution, and violence—as is the situation today. No, the resurrection must await the setting up of “a new earth.” Imagine, a planet cleansed of people and institutions that up until now seem bent on ruining the earth and spoiling its pristine beauty, to say nothing of the untold misery they have brought upon its inhabitants.—2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 11:18.
Obviously, the time for the general resurrection of mankind is still ahead. Yet the good news is that it is not a long way off. True, it must wait for the end of this present evil system of things. However, abundant evidence proves that the time for the sudden outbreak of the “great tribulation” is at hand, culminating in “the war of the great day of God the Almighty”—commonly referred to as Armageddon. (Matthew 24:3-14, 21; Revelation 16:14, 16) This will bring about the removal of all wickedness from this delightful planet, Earth. Following that will come the Thousand Year Reign of Christ Jesus, when the earth will be brought progressively into a paradise state.
The Bible reveals that during this Millennial reign, the resurrection of human dead will take place. Then will be fulfilled the promise Jesus made while on earth: “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out . . . to a resurrection.”—John 5:28, 29.
Effect of Resurrection Hope
What a wonderful hope for the future is this prospect of a resurrection—a time when the dead will come back to life! How it encourages us as we face the rigors of advancing age, sickness, unexpected calamities and sorrow, and just everyday pressures and problems of life! It takes away the sting of death—not eliminating sorrow altogether but separating us from those who have no hope for the future. The apostle Paul acknowledged this comforting effect of the resurrection hope in these words: “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope. For if our faith is that Jesus died and rose again, so, too, those who have fallen asleep in death through Jesus God will bring with him.”—1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14.
We may already have experienced the truth of another observation made by the Oriental man Job: “Man wastes away like something rotten, like a garment eaten by moths. Man born of woman is of few days and full of trouble. He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.” (Job 13:28–14:2, New International Version) We too are aware of the uncertainty of life and the grim reality that “time and unforeseen occurrence” can befall any one of us. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) For sure, none of us enjoy the thought of facing the process of dying. Still, the sure hope of a resurrection does help take away overwhelming fear of death.
Take heart, then! Look beyond a possible sleep in death to a coming back to life through the miracle of the resurrection. Look forward confidently to the prospect of a future life without end, and add to this the joy of knowing that such a blessed time is in the near future.
Our Memory of Those Who Have Passed into Death
Is it God who takes our loved ones?
What does God’s own word say?
DEATH is unnatural for humans, in that man was not created to die. It was not purposed for him by his Creator. Therefore death causes sorrow through the deep loss felt by surviving relatives and friends. We remember our loved ones, their personalities, their warmth, their love and hopes, and it saddens us.
When a person dies, do we sustain permanent loss? Should the sadness occasioned by death be a cause for abject sorrow and hopelessness? The Scriptures answer that those believing in God should not “sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” Why? Because God has made a loving provision that greatly comforts us.—1 Thess. 4:13, 14; 2 Cor. 1:3, 4.
Well, then, can we properly say that God “took” the one who has died? No, for death is called an “enemy” in the Bible, and God does not cooperate with mankind’s enemies. To the contrary, he promises to destroy death as well as all other enemies of man.—1 Cor. 15:26.
DEATH’S ORIGIN AND DESTRUCTION
How did death come about? By reason of man’s own disobedience to God, which the Devil had a hand in bringing about. Adam rebelled against God. Therefore “through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned.”—Rom. 5:12; Gen. 2:17; 3:19.
It is natural to be anxious over the condition of those who have died. Where, now, are they? you may ask. The Bible says they are in Sheol or Hades. These two words, in the Hebrew and Greek Scriptures, respectively, mean the same thing: the common grave of mankind. Those in Sheol (Hades) are actually dead, not suffering. “They are conscious of nothing at all.” “There is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in Sheol,” say the Scriptures. (Eccl. 9:5, 10; Gen. 42:38) Jesus himself was there for parts of three days. The apostle Peter said that Jesus was in Hades, but was not forsaken by God, for God resurrected him.—Acts 2:31, 32.
Jesus likened the condition of his friend Lazarus in death to the unconsciousness of sleep. He told his disciples: “I am journeying there to awaken him from sleep.” When his disciples did not understand, “Jesus said to them outspokenly: ‘Lazarus has died.’” There is no record that Lazarus described any experiences of consciousness had during his four days in the death state.—John 11:11-14.
The promised destruction of death through Jesus Christ’s ransom sacrifice holds forth hope to all of us who have lost loved ones. Of course, it takes more than death’s destruction to help those who have died. It entails also the bringing back and giving of life to them. Christ’s sacrifice being “for all,” it must somehow benefit the billions of human dead. (1 Tim. 2:5, 6) It will. God promises to destroy, not only death, but also Sheol-Hades, the common grave!
This means the destruction of cemeteries. How can this be done? By emptying them of the dead, who are held relentlessly in the grave. God promises: “From the hand of Sheol I shall redeem them; from death I shall recover them. Where are your stings, O Death? Where is your destructiveness, O Sheol?” (Hos. 13:14; 1 Cor. 15:55) The apostle John, in describing his vision, said: “The sea gave up those dead in it, and death and Hades gave up those dead in them, and they were judged individually according to their deeds. And death and Hades were hurled into the lake of fire.”—Rev. 20:13, 14.
GOD’S MEMORY AND THE RESURRECTION
This means a resurrection from the dead for our loved ones. What a blessing! What a wonderful hope and comfort! This is done by means of God’s memory and power. Job prayed for God to conceal him in Sheol and after a time limit remember him. (Job 14:13) He thereby revealed that he viewed the dead to be resurrected as not forgotten and gone forever. Doubtless with this understanding the evildoer put to death alongside Jesus asked to be remembered when Jesus would come into his kingdom.—Luke 23:42.
Now, while we may have been made sorrowful by the death of a few, think how much more God has been saddened by the pitiable state of the human race in sin and death for nearly 6,000 years. (Lam. 3:33; Ezek. 18:32) And how much more greatly he loves and cares for those who have died is proved by his memory of them in every detail, and by the lasting quality of his remembrance of them. If not one sparrow goes forgotten before God, or falls to the ground without his notice, certainly he thoroughly remembers humans whom he will resurrect.—Matt. 10:29, 30; Luke 12:6, 7.
To us, those who have died gradually become a dimmer memory, but not so with God. Nevertheless, for many years we can remember personalities enough to recall what they were like, and to desire to see them again. How much more so does God, who loves mankind so much that he gave his only-begotten Son to provide a resurrection for them. (John 3:16) God remembers everything, and can bring the person, the same personality, actually and tangibly back to live on this earth. Since God can, if he so chooses, know before a child is born exactly what all his personality traits are—and the Bible tells of instances in which He has done this—how easy it is for God to reconstruct such one’s life pattern after he has lived and manifested these traits.—Gen. 16:11, 12; 25:23.
Jesus Christ demonstrated this ability to bring a person back from the dead with all his characteristics—his full identity—when he called Lazarus from the grave. Lazarus’ brain cells had certainly broken down by this time, in fact, his body itself had progressed well into a state of decomposition. His sister Martha said: “Lord, by now he must smell, for it is four days.” So it required a reconstruction of personality and body to bring Lazarus back.—John 11:39-44.
GOD’S CONCERN FOR THE DEAD
So never feel that God is not concerned. He certainly did not show unconcern for mankind when he sent his only-begotten Son to suffer at the hands of rebellious men and to die as a ransom. Neither is God unjust, that he should let the ransom benefits be for only a few—largely wasted. Otherwise he would not have inspired his apostle to write: “For just as through the disobedience of the one man many were constituted sinners, likewise also through the obedience of the one person many will be constituted righteous. . . . just as sin ruled as king with death, likewise also undeserved kindness might rule as king through righteousness with everlasting life in view through Jesus Christ our Lord.”—Rom. 5:19-21.
Why, then, does not God exercise his power now to bring back those who have died? Even here his loving-kindness is demonstrated. For he does not bring them back, again to undergo the terrible afflictions now oppressing mankind, with danger of death every day. Rather, he purposes to restore them when the righteous reign of his Messianic King Jesus Christ is in force over all the earth. Then the environment will be ideal for real life in happiness. How Jehovah and his Son must look forward to that time with even greater anticipation than we do!—Acts 17:31; 24:15.
FALSE TEACHINGS TAKE AWAY COMFORT
In view of God’s loving provisions for the living as well as for those who have died, how blasphemous it is for clergymen to claim that God is tormenting dead persons in a purgatory or “hellfire.” And how cruel and heartless it is for these men to collect money from bereaved relatives and friends on the pretense of helping persons or souls in one of these imaginary places.
An example of lack of concern for those who have lost loved ones is a tract published by the Franciscan Mass League, issued at St. Francis Friary in New York city. It encourages the reader to “Enroll yourself now in the Mass League for the Living.” “Do not depend too much on those whom you leave behind to assist you, when you fall into the Hands of the Lord in judgment,” the brochure reads, “‘Out of sight, out of mind,’ will be the lot of most of us.”
Then the pamphlet urges the enrollment of “departed” relatives and friends in a Mass League, “the usual offerings for memberships” being “For the living, $5.00. This membership continues perpetually after life; For the deceased, $2.00.” “Your dear departed ones may be suffering in Purgatory on your account,” says the tract. A quotation is made from an apocryphal book, which is no part of the inspired Scriptures: “‘It is a holy and wholesome thought to pray for the dead, that they may be loosed from sins’ (2 Mach. xii, 46).”
However, it might be noted that Judas Machabeus, who is quoted in the text, was not praying for souls suffering in a supposed purgatory, but concerning their hope of resurrection from the dead, as the context shows. (Verses 43, 44) And in verse 45 those who had died were said, not to be in purgatory or in any conscious state, but to have “fallen asleep.”
The clergy, by teaching falsely concerning the state of the dead and by taking advantage of the sorrow of persons for their loved ones who have died, have taken money by playing on the fears and helpless feelings of the survivors. They are therefore actually guilty of extortion. They are lying, misrepresenting God and taking away from the living the hope and comfort the Scriptures give.
According to God’s sure promise and guarantee, the living can hope with full assurance that their dead loved ones will be back to a full opportunity for life. Then, under Christ’s Kingdom rule to which the evildoer alongside Jesus looked forward, they can prove whether they are persons who love and obey God’s instructions.
Accordingly, what should we the living do at this time to ensure our being alive to welcome them back from the dead and really be of help to them? We should study God’s Word the Bible now with a view to full obedience to its righteous principles. Doing so, we may survive the destruction of this present system of things, which destruction all evidences indicate is very near. (Matt. 24:7-14, 34; Zeph. 2:3) How fine it will be to welcome back the dead and to have a share in helping these resurrected ones to a greater knowledge of God, leading to everlasting life!—John 17:3.
Is it God who takes our loved ones?
What does God’s own word say?
DEATH is unnatural for humans, in that man was not created to die. It was not purposed for him by his Creator. Therefore death causes sorrow through the deep loss felt by surviving relatives and friends. We remember our loved ones, their personalities, their warmth, their love and hopes, and it saddens us.
When a person dies, do we sustain permanent loss? Should the sadness occasioned by death be a cause for abject sorrow and hopelessness? The Scriptures answer that those believing in God should not “sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” Why? Because God has made a loving provision that greatly comforts us.—1 Thess. 4:13, 14; 2 Cor. 1:3, 4.
Well, then, can we properly say that God “took” the one who has died? No, for death is called an “enemy” in the Bible, and God does not cooperate with mankind’s enemies. To the contrary, he promises to destroy death as well as all other enemies of man.—1 Cor. 15:26.
DEATH’S ORIGIN AND DESTRUCTION
How did death come about? By reason of man’s own disobedience to God, which the Devil had a hand in bringing about. Adam rebelled against God. Therefore “through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned.”—Rom. 5:12; Gen. 2:17; 3:19.
It is natural to be anxious over the condition of those who have died. Where, now, are they? you may ask. The Bible says they are in Sheol or Hades. These two words, in the Hebrew and Greek Scriptures, respectively, mean the same thing: the common grave of mankind. Those in Sheol (Hades) are actually dead, not suffering. “They are conscious of nothing at all.” “There is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in Sheol,” say the Scriptures. (Eccl. 9:5, 10; Gen. 42:38) Jesus himself was there for parts of three days. The apostle Peter said that Jesus was in Hades, but was not forsaken by God, for God resurrected him.—Acts 2:31, 32.
Jesus likened the condition of his friend Lazarus in death to the unconsciousness of sleep. He told his disciples: “I am journeying there to awaken him from sleep.” When his disciples did not understand, “Jesus said to them outspokenly: ‘Lazarus has died.’” There is no record that Lazarus described any experiences of consciousness had during his four days in the death state.—John 11:11-14.
The promised destruction of death through Jesus Christ’s ransom sacrifice holds forth hope to all of us who have lost loved ones. Of course, it takes more than death’s destruction to help those who have died. It entails also the bringing back and giving of life to them. Christ’s sacrifice being “for all,” it must somehow benefit the billions of human dead. (1 Tim. 2:5, 6) It will. God promises to destroy, not only death, but also Sheol-Hades, the common grave!
This means the destruction of cemeteries. How can this be done? By emptying them of the dead, who are held relentlessly in the grave. God promises: “From the hand of Sheol I shall redeem them; from death I shall recover them. Where are your stings, O Death? Where is your destructiveness, O Sheol?” (Hos. 13:14; 1 Cor. 15:55) The apostle John, in describing his vision, said: “The sea gave up those dead in it, and death and Hades gave up those dead in them, and they were judged individually according to their deeds. And death and Hades were hurled into the lake of fire.”—Rev. 20:13, 14.
GOD’S MEMORY AND THE RESURRECTION
This means a resurrection from the dead for our loved ones. What a blessing! What a wonderful hope and comfort! This is done by means of God’s memory and power. Job prayed for God to conceal him in Sheol and after a time limit remember him. (Job 14:13) He thereby revealed that he viewed the dead to be resurrected as not forgotten and gone forever. Doubtless with this understanding the evildoer put to death alongside Jesus asked to be remembered when Jesus would come into his kingdom.—Luke 23:42.
Now, while we may have been made sorrowful by the death of a few, think how much more God has been saddened by the pitiable state of the human race in sin and death for nearly 6,000 years. (Lam. 3:33; Ezek. 18:32) And how much more greatly he loves and cares for those who have died is proved by his memory of them in every detail, and by the lasting quality of his remembrance of them. If not one sparrow goes forgotten before God, or falls to the ground without his notice, certainly he thoroughly remembers humans whom he will resurrect.—Matt. 10:29, 30; Luke 12:6, 7.
To us, those who have died gradually become a dimmer memory, but not so with God. Nevertheless, for many years we can remember personalities enough to recall what they were like, and to desire to see them again. How much more so does God, who loves mankind so much that he gave his only-begotten Son to provide a resurrection for them. (John 3:16) God remembers everything, and can bring the person, the same personality, actually and tangibly back to live on this earth. Since God can, if he so chooses, know before a child is born exactly what all his personality traits are—and the Bible tells of instances in which He has done this—how easy it is for God to reconstruct such one’s life pattern after he has lived and manifested these traits.—Gen. 16:11, 12; 25:23.
Jesus Christ demonstrated this ability to bring a person back from the dead with all his characteristics—his full identity—when he called Lazarus from the grave. Lazarus’ brain cells had certainly broken down by this time, in fact, his body itself had progressed well into a state of decomposition. His sister Martha said: “Lord, by now he must smell, for it is four days.” So it required a reconstruction of personality and body to bring Lazarus back.—John 11:39-44.
GOD’S CONCERN FOR THE DEAD
So never feel that God is not concerned. He certainly did not show unconcern for mankind when he sent his only-begotten Son to suffer at the hands of rebellious men and to die as a ransom. Neither is God unjust, that he should let the ransom benefits be for only a few—largely wasted. Otherwise he would not have inspired his apostle to write: “For just as through the disobedience of the one man many were constituted sinners, likewise also through the obedience of the one person many will be constituted righteous. . . . just as sin ruled as king with death, likewise also undeserved kindness might rule as king through righteousness with everlasting life in view through Jesus Christ our Lord.”—Rom. 5:19-21.
Why, then, does not God exercise his power now to bring back those who have died? Even here his loving-kindness is demonstrated. For he does not bring them back, again to undergo the terrible afflictions now oppressing mankind, with danger of death every day. Rather, he purposes to restore them when the righteous reign of his Messianic King Jesus Christ is in force over all the earth. Then the environment will be ideal for real life in happiness. How Jehovah and his Son must look forward to that time with even greater anticipation than we do!—Acts 17:31; 24:15.
FALSE TEACHINGS TAKE AWAY COMFORT
In view of God’s loving provisions for the living as well as for those who have died, how blasphemous it is for clergymen to claim that God is tormenting dead persons in a purgatory or “hellfire.” And how cruel and heartless it is for these men to collect money from bereaved relatives and friends on the pretense of helping persons or souls in one of these imaginary places.
An example of lack of concern for those who have lost loved ones is a tract published by the Franciscan Mass League, issued at St. Francis Friary in New York city. It encourages the reader to “Enroll yourself now in the Mass League for the Living.” “Do not depend too much on those whom you leave behind to assist you, when you fall into the Hands of the Lord in judgment,” the brochure reads, “‘Out of sight, out of mind,’ will be the lot of most of us.”
Then the pamphlet urges the enrollment of “departed” relatives and friends in a Mass League, “the usual offerings for memberships” being “For the living, $5.00. This membership continues perpetually after life; For the deceased, $2.00.” “Your dear departed ones may be suffering in Purgatory on your account,” says the tract. A quotation is made from an apocryphal book, which is no part of the inspired Scriptures: “‘It is a holy and wholesome thought to pray for the dead, that they may be loosed from sins’ (2 Mach. xii, 46).”
However, it might be noted that Judas Machabeus, who is quoted in the text, was not praying for souls suffering in a supposed purgatory, but concerning their hope of resurrection from the dead, as the context shows. (Verses 43, 44) And in verse 45 those who had died were said, not to be in purgatory or in any conscious state, but to have “fallen asleep.”
The clergy, by teaching falsely concerning the state of the dead and by taking advantage of the sorrow of persons for their loved ones who have died, have taken money by playing on the fears and helpless feelings of the survivors. They are therefore actually guilty of extortion. They are lying, misrepresenting God and taking away from the living the hope and comfort the Scriptures give.
According to God’s sure promise and guarantee, the living can hope with full assurance that their dead loved ones will be back to a full opportunity for life. Then, under Christ’s Kingdom rule to which the evildoer alongside Jesus looked forward, they can prove whether they are persons who love and obey God’s instructions.
Accordingly, what should we the living do at this time to ensure our being alive to welcome them back from the dead and really be of help to them? We should study God’s Word the Bible now with a view to full obedience to its righteous principles. Doing so, we may survive the destruction of this present system of things, which destruction all evidences indicate is very near. (Matt. 24:7-14, 34; Zeph. 2:3) How fine it will be to welcome back the dead and to have a share in helping these resurrected ones to a greater knowledge of God, leading to everlasting life!—John 17:3.
How Far Should Christian Mourning Go?
THE death of beloved relatives or friends is one of the most upsetting experiences that we humans have to face. It is accompanied by a deep sense of loss, giving rise to grief. Weeping is but a natural expression of such great sorrow.
But does not the Bible discourage weeping? Were not people specifically told not to mourn? Let us examine just what the Bible does say on this matter, and why.
One case involved the death of Aaron’s sons, Nadab and Abihu. These men violated God’s requirements for pure worship by offering “illegitimate fire,” probably while under the influence of alcohol. For this irreverent act they were executed by Jehovah God. (Lev. 10:1, 2, 8-11) On this occasion Aaron and his other sons were instructed not to engage in any outward display of mourning. By obeying this command, they demonstrated their full agreement with God’s judgment against their relatives. (Verses 6, 7) Accordingly, what Aaron and his surviving sons did should have no bearing on the way a Christian would normally react to the death of a loved one.
Centuries later the prophet Ezekiel was commanded not to weep over the death of his wife. The word of Jehovah to him was: “You should not beat your breast, neither should you weep nor should your tears come on. Sigh without words.” (Ezek. 24:15-17) Ezekiel’s refraining from any outward display of mourning had a purpose. It served as a prophetic sign to the Israelites in Babylonian exile, pointing out to them that Jehovah God would profane his temple, which was as precious to them as Ezekiel’s wife was to him. Contrary to their hopes, Jerusalem would be destroyed, and there in exile they would not be able to give full expression to their grief.—Ezek. 24:20-24.
On an earlier occasion, Jehovah declared through his prophet Jeremiah: “Do not weep for the dead one [Josiah], and do not sympathize with him, you people. Weep profusely for the one going away [alive into exile], for he will return no more and he will actually not see the land of his relatives. For this is what Jehovah has said concerning Shallum [Jehoahaz] the son of Josiah, the king of Judah who is reigning instead of Josiah his father, who has gone forth from this place, ‘He will return there no more. For in the place where they have taken him into exile he will die, and this land he will see no more.’”—Jer. 22:10-12.
Do these words mean that weeping over the death of good King Josiah was wrong, contrary to God’s purpose? No. The death of Josiah in battle was a terrible blow to the Israelites. It was a national calamity that rightly occasioned grief. Even Jeremiah joined in mourning the death of Josiah. The Bible reports: “All Judah and Jerusalem were mourning over Josiah. And Jeremiah began to chant over Josiah; and all the male singers and female singers keep talking about Josiah in their dirges down till today; and they have them set as a regulation over Israel, and there they are written among the dirges.”—2 Chron. 35:24, 25.
Clearly, then, Jehovah’s words through Jeremiah were not designed to discourage the Israelites from expressing grief. They simply emphasized that, by comparison, the plight of the living one, Josiah’s son Shallum, was even worse than that of his dead father. This was so because Shallum would die, not in his homeland as did his father Josiah, but as an exile in Egypt. So there was more reason to weep for the son of Josiah than for the dead king.
An examination of the Bible record makes it clear that God’s servants rightly shed tears over the loss of loved ones. When his beloved wife died, “Abraham,” says God’s Word, “came in to bewail Sarah and to weep over her.” (Gen. 23:2) Thinking that his dead son Joseph had been killed by a wild beast, Jacob “continued weeping for him.” (Gen. 37:35) In connection with the death of the first Christian martyr at the hands of an enraged mob, we read: “Reverent men carried Stephen to the burial, and they made a great lamentation over him.” (Acts 8:2) The death of Dorcas (Tabitha) at Joppa resulted in much weeping among Christian widows who had benefited greatly from her kindnesses.—Acts 9:39.
Such weeping should not be viewed as being merely an imperfect human reaction to saddening circumstances. Why not? Because even the perfect Son of God, Jesus Christ, wept with emotion in connection with the death of his friend Lazarus. Many who witnessed Jesus’ giving way to tears exclaimed: “See, what affection he used to have for him!”—John 11:35, 36.
It is also fitting to sympathize with others, joining in their expressions of sorrow. The Scriptures admonish: “Weep with people who weep.”—Rom. 12:15.
God’s servants should, however, shun mourning rites that are associated with false worship. The ancient Israelites were commanded: “You must not make cuts in your flesh for a deceased soul.” (Lev. 19:28) The writings of the ancient historian Herodotus give us some idea of what this involved. Concerning what the Scythians did upon the death of their king, he said: “They cut off part of their ear, shave off their hair, wound themselves on the arms, lacerate their forehead and nose, and drive arrows through their left hand.” (Book IV, sec. 71) The purpose of such actions may have been to appease the deities thought to preside over the dead. Such mourning rites certainly had no place among a people who had the hope of the resurrection.
Then, too, expressions of sorrow that go to the extreme are unfitting for Christians. The apostle Paul wrote to fellow believers: “We do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” (1 Thess. 4:13) A Christian may indeed be sad. But he should not become hysterical and act as though everything were lost. Others should be able to see that he has a marvelous hope, a hope that truly strengthens him. The grief of true Christians should be balanced, in fact, overshadowed by hope and God-given joy. They should endeavor to reflect the attitude of the apostle Paul, who said of himself and his associates that they were “as sorrowing but ever rejoicing.” (2 Cor. 6:10) This attitude aids one to avoid the weakening effects of sustained mourning.
The composite evidence of Scripture shows that mourning over dead loved ones is proper. But such mourning should not go to the point of calling into question, in the minds of others, a person’s faith in God’s promise to raise the dead. All extreme forms of mourning and idolatrous rites should be shunned. Also, weeping that reflects disagreement with God’s judgments or is contrary to his express commands would likewise be wrong.
THE death of beloved relatives or friends is one of the most upsetting experiences that we humans have to face. It is accompanied by a deep sense of loss, giving rise to grief. Weeping is but a natural expression of such great sorrow.
But does not the Bible discourage weeping? Were not people specifically told not to mourn? Let us examine just what the Bible does say on this matter, and why.
One case involved the death of Aaron’s sons, Nadab and Abihu. These men violated God’s requirements for pure worship by offering “illegitimate fire,” probably while under the influence of alcohol. For this irreverent act they were executed by Jehovah God. (Lev. 10:1, 2, 8-11) On this occasion Aaron and his other sons were instructed not to engage in any outward display of mourning. By obeying this command, they demonstrated their full agreement with God’s judgment against their relatives. (Verses 6, 7) Accordingly, what Aaron and his surviving sons did should have no bearing on the way a Christian would normally react to the death of a loved one.
Centuries later the prophet Ezekiel was commanded not to weep over the death of his wife. The word of Jehovah to him was: “You should not beat your breast, neither should you weep nor should your tears come on. Sigh without words.” (Ezek. 24:15-17) Ezekiel’s refraining from any outward display of mourning had a purpose. It served as a prophetic sign to the Israelites in Babylonian exile, pointing out to them that Jehovah God would profane his temple, which was as precious to them as Ezekiel’s wife was to him. Contrary to their hopes, Jerusalem would be destroyed, and there in exile they would not be able to give full expression to their grief.—Ezek. 24:20-24.
On an earlier occasion, Jehovah declared through his prophet Jeremiah: “Do not weep for the dead one [Josiah], and do not sympathize with him, you people. Weep profusely for the one going away [alive into exile], for he will return no more and he will actually not see the land of his relatives. For this is what Jehovah has said concerning Shallum [Jehoahaz] the son of Josiah, the king of Judah who is reigning instead of Josiah his father, who has gone forth from this place, ‘He will return there no more. For in the place where they have taken him into exile he will die, and this land he will see no more.’”—Jer. 22:10-12.
Do these words mean that weeping over the death of good King Josiah was wrong, contrary to God’s purpose? No. The death of Josiah in battle was a terrible blow to the Israelites. It was a national calamity that rightly occasioned grief. Even Jeremiah joined in mourning the death of Josiah. The Bible reports: “All Judah and Jerusalem were mourning over Josiah. And Jeremiah began to chant over Josiah; and all the male singers and female singers keep talking about Josiah in their dirges down till today; and they have them set as a regulation over Israel, and there they are written among the dirges.”—2 Chron. 35:24, 25.
Clearly, then, Jehovah’s words through Jeremiah were not designed to discourage the Israelites from expressing grief. They simply emphasized that, by comparison, the plight of the living one, Josiah’s son Shallum, was even worse than that of his dead father. This was so because Shallum would die, not in his homeland as did his father Josiah, but as an exile in Egypt. So there was more reason to weep for the son of Josiah than for the dead king.
An examination of the Bible record makes it clear that God’s servants rightly shed tears over the loss of loved ones. When his beloved wife died, “Abraham,” says God’s Word, “came in to bewail Sarah and to weep over her.” (Gen. 23:2) Thinking that his dead son Joseph had been killed by a wild beast, Jacob “continued weeping for him.” (Gen. 37:35) In connection with the death of the first Christian martyr at the hands of an enraged mob, we read: “Reverent men carried Stephen to the burial, and they made a great lamentation over him.” (Acts 8:2) The death of Dorcas (Tabitha) at Joppa resulted in much weeping among Christian widows who had benefited greatly from her kindnesses.—Acts 9:39.
Such weeping should not be viewed as being merely an imperfect human reaction to saddening circumstances. Why not? Because even the perfect Son of God, Jesus Christ, wept with emotion in connection with the death of his friend Lazarus. Many who witnessed Jesus’ giving way to tears exclaimed: “See, what affection he used to have for him!”—John 11:35, 36.
It is also fitting to sympathize with others, joining in their expressions of sorrow. The Scriptures admonish: “Weep with people who weep.”—Rom. 12:15.
God’s servants should, however, shun mourning rites that are associated with false worship. The ancient Israelites were commanded: “You must not make cuts in your flesh for a deceased soul.” (Lev. 19:28) The writings of the ancient historian Herodotus give us some idea of what this involved. Concerning what the Scythians did upon the death of their king, he said: “They cut off part of their ear, shave off their hair, wound themselves on the arms, lacerate their forehead and nose, and drive arrows through their left hand.” (Book IV, sec. 71) The purpose of such actions may have been to appease the deities thought to preside over the dead. Such mourning rites certainly had no place among a people who had the hope of the resurrection.
Then, too, expressions of sorrow that go to the extreme are unfitting for Christians. The apostle Paul wrote to fellow believers: “We do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” (1 Thess. 4:13) A Christian may indeed be sad. But he should not become hysterical and act as though everything were lost. Others should be able to see that he has a marvelous hope, a hope that truly strengthens him. The grief of true Christians should be balanced, in fact, overshadowed by hope and God-given joy. They should endeavor to reflect the attitude of the apostle Paul, who said of himself and his associates that they were “as sorrowing but ever rejoicing.” (2 Cor. 6:10) This attitude aids one to avoid the weakening effects of sustained mourning.
The composite evidence of Scripture shows that mourning over dead loved ones is proper. But such mourning should not go to the point of calling into question, in the minds of others, a person’s faith in God’s promise to raise the dead. All extreme forms of mourning and idolatrous rites should be shunned. Also, weeping that reflects disagreement with God’s judgments or is contrary to his express commands would likewise be wrong.
Bible Book Number 25—Lamentations
Writer: Jeremiah
Place Written: Near Jerusalem
Writing Completed: 607 B.C.E.
THIS book of the inspired Scriptures is certainly well named. It is a lament expressing deep sorrow over that calamitous happening in the history of God’s chosen people, the destruction of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. by Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon. In Hebrew this book is named by its first word, ´Eh·khah´!, meaning “How!” The translators of the Greek Septuagint called the book Thre´noi, which means “Dirges; Laments.” The Babylonian Talmud uses the term Qi·nohth´, which means “Dirges; Elegies.” It was Jerome, writing in Latin, who named it Lamentationes, from which the English title comes.
2 In English versions of the Bible, Lamentations is placed after Jeremiah, but in the Hebrew canon, it is usually found in the Hagiographa, or Writings, along with The Song of Solomon, Ruth, Ecclesiastes, and Esther—a small group collectively known as the five Meghil·lohth´ (Rolls). In some modern Hebrew Bibles, it is placed between Ruth or Esther and Ecclesiastes, but in ancient copies it is said to have followed Jeremiah, as it does in our Bible today.
3 The book does not name the writer. Yet, there is little doubt it was Jeremiah. In the Greek Septuagint, the book carries this preface: “And it occurred that, after Israel had been taken captive and Jerusalem had been desolated, Jeremiah sat down weeping and lamented with this lamentation over Jerusalem and said.” Jerome considered these words spurious and omitted them from his version. However, the ascribing of Lamentations to Jeremiah is the accepted tradition of the Jews and is confirmed by the Syriac version, the Latin Vulgate, the Targum of Jonathan, and the Babylonian Talmud, among others.
4 Some critics have tried to prove that Jeremiah did not write Lamentations. However, A Commentary on the Holy Bible cites as evidence of Jeremiah’s writership “the vivid descriptions of Jerusalem in chs. 2 and 4, which are evidently the pen-pictures of an eyewitness; likewise the strongly sympathetic temper and prophetic spirit of the poems throughout, as well as their style, phraseology, and thought, which are all so characteristic of Jeremiah.” There are many parallel expressions in Lamentations and Jeremiah, such as that of the extreme sorrow of ‘eyes running down with waters (tears)’ (Lam. 1:16; 2:11; 3:48, 49; Jer. 9:1; 13:17; 14:17) and those of disgust at the prophets and priests because of their corruption. (Lam. 2:14; 4:13, 14; Jer. 2:34; 5:30, 31; 14:13, 14) The passages at Jeremiah 8:18-22 and 14:17, 18 show that Jeremiah was quite capable of the mournful style of Lamentations.
5 The time of writing is generally agreed to have been soon after the fall of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. The horror of both the siege and the burning of the city was still fresh in Jeremiah’s mind, and his anguish is vividly expressed. One commentator remarks that no single facet of sorrow is fully exploited in any given place, but each returns again and again in the several poems. Then he says: “This tumult of thought . . . is one of the very strongest evidences that the book stands close to the events and emotions it purports to communicate.”
6 The construction of Lamentations is of great interest to the Bible scholar. There are five chapters, that is, five lyric poems. The first four are acrostic, with each verse beginning successively with one of the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. On the other hand, the third chapter has 66 verses, so that 3 successive verses begin with the same letter before passing on to the next letter. The fifth poem is not acrostic, though it does have 22 verses.
7 Lamentations expresses overwhelming grief at the siege, capture, and destruction of Jerusalem by Nebuchadnezzar, and it is unsurpassed in any literature for its vividness and pathos. The writer expresses deep sorrow over the desolation, misery, and confusion that he views. Famine, sword, and other horrors have brought dreadful suffering to the city—all as a direct penalty from God, on account of the sins of the people, the prophets, and the priests. However, hope and faith in Jehovah remain, and to him go the prayers for restoration.
CONTENTS OF LAMENTATIONS
8 “O how she has come to sit solitary, the city that was abundant with people!” Thus the first poem opens its lament. The daughter of Zion was a princess, but her lovers have abandoned her and her people have gone into exile. Her gates are laid desolate. Jehovah has punished her for the abundance of her transgressions. She has lost her splendor. Her adversaries have laughed over her collapse. She has gone down in a wondrous manner and has no comforter, and her remaining people are hungry. She (Jerusalem personified) asks: “Does there exist any pain like my pain?” She stretches out her hands and says: “Jehovah is righteous, for it is against his mouth that I have rebelled.” (1:1, 12, 18) She calls on Jehovah to bring calamity on her exulting enemies, even as he has done on her.
9 “O how Jehovah in his anger beclouds the daughter of Zion!” (2:1) The second poem shows that it is Jehovah himself who has thrown down to earth the beauty of Israel. He has caused festival and Sabbath to be forgotten, and he has cast off his altar and sanctuary. Oh, the pathetic sights in Jerusalem! Jeremiah exclaims: “My eyes have come to their end in sheer tears. My intestines are in a ferment. My liver has been poured out to the very earth, on account of the crash of the daughter of my people.” (2:11) To what shall he liken the daughter of Jerusalem? How shall he comfort the daughter of Zion? Her own prophets proved worthless and unsatisfying. Now passersby laugh scornfully at her: “Is this the city of which they used to say, ‘It is the perfection of prettiness, an exultation for all the earth’?” (2:15) Her enemies have opened their mouth and whistled and ground their teeth, saying, ‘This is the day we have hoped for to swallow her down.’ Her children faint for famine, and women eat their own offspring. Corpses litter the streets. “In the day of the wrath of Jehovah there proved to be no escapee or survivor.”—2:16, 22.
10 The third poem, of 66 verses, stresses Zion’s hope in God’s mercy. By many metaphors the prophet shows that it is Jehovah who has brought the captivity and desolation. In the bitterness of the situation, the writer asks God to remember his affliction and expresses faith in the loving-kindness and mercies of Jehovah. Three successive verses begin with “Good” and show the propriety of waiting for salvation from Jehovah. (3:25-27) Jehovah has caused grief, but he will also show mercy. But for now, despite confession of rebellion, Jehovah has not forgiven; he has blocked the prayers of his people and made them “mere offscouring and refuse.” (3:45) With bitter tears the prophet recalls that his enemies hunted for him as for a bird. However, Jehovah drew near to him in the pit and said: “Do not be afraid.” He calls on Jehovah to answer the reproach of the enemy: “You will pursue in anger and annihilate them from under the heavens of Jehovah.”—3:57, 66.
11 “O how the gold that shines becomes dim, the good gold!” (4:1) The fourth poem bemoans the faded glory of Jehovah’s temple, whose stones are poured out in the streets. The precious sons of Zion have become of little value, like jars of earthenware. There is neither water nor bread, and those raised in luxury “have had to embrace ash heaps.” (4:5) The punishment is even greater than that for the sin of Sodom. The Nazirites, once ‘purer than snow and whiter than milk,’ have become “darker than blackness itself” and are all shriveled up. (4:7, 8) Better to have been slain by the sword than die by the famine, at a time when women have boiled their own children! Jehovah has poured out his burning anger. The unbelievable has happened—the adversary has come into the gates of Jerusalem! And why? “Because of the sins of her prophets, the errors of her priests,” who poured out righteous blood. (4:13) The face of Jehovah is not toward them. However, the error of the daughter of Zion has come to its finish, and she will not again be carried into exile. Now it is your turn, O daughter of Edom, to drink the bitter cup of Jehovah!
12 The fifth poem opens with an appeal to Jehovah to remember his orphaned people. The inhabitants of Jerusalem are pictured as speaking. It is their forefathers that have sinned, and it is their error the people must now bear. Mere servants rule over them, and they are tortured by pangs of hunger. The exultation of their heart has ceased, and their dancing has been changed into mourning. They are sick at heart. Humbly they acknowledge Jehovah: “As for you, O Jehovah, to time indefinite you will sit. Your throne is for generation after generation.” They cry out: “Bring us back, O Jehovah, to yourself, and we shall readily come back. Bring new days for us as in the long ago. However, you have positively rejected us. You have been indignant toward us very much.”—5:19-22.
WHY BENEFICIAL
13 The book of Lamentations expresses Jeremiah’s complete confidence in God. In the very depths of sorrow and crushing defeat, with absolutely no hope of comfort from any human source, the prophet looks forward to salvation by the hand of the great God of the universe, Jehovah. Lamentations should inspire obedience and integrity in all true worshipers, while at the same time providing a fearsome warning concerning those who disregard the greatest name and what it stands for. History does not show another ruined city lamented in such pathetic and touching language. It is certainly of benefit in describing the severity of God toward those who continue to be rebellious, stiff-necked, and unrepentant.
14 Lamentations is also beneficial in showing the fulfillment of a number of divine warnings and prophecies. (Lam. 1:2—Jer. 30:14; Lam. 2:15—Jer. 18:16; Lam. 2:17—Lev. 26:17; Lam. 2:20—Deut. 28:53) Also note that Lamentations provides vivid testimony to the fulfillment of Deuteronomy 28:63-65. Moreover, the book contains a number of references to other parts of the sacred Scriptures. (Lam. 2:15—Ps. 48:2; Lam. 3:24—Ps. 119:57) Daniel 9:5-14 corroborates Lamentations 1:5 and 3:42 in showing that the calamity came on account of the people’s own transgressions.
15 Heartrending indeed is the tragic plight of Jerusalem! Amid all of this, Lamentations voices confidence that Jehovah will show loving-kindness and mercy and that he will remember Zion and bring her back. (Lam. 3:31, 32; 4:22) It expresses hope in “new days” like the days of long ago when Kings David and Solomon reigned in Jerusalem. There is still Jehovah’s covenant with David for an everlasting kingdom! “His mercies will certainly not come to an end. They are new each morning.” And they will continue toward those who love Jehovah until, under his righteous Kingdom rule, every creature that lives will exclaim in thankfulness: “Jehovah is my share.”—5:21; 3:22-24.
[Footnotes]
1952, edited by J. R. Dummelow, page 483.
Studies in the Book of Lamentations, 1954, Norman K. Gottwald, page 31.
[Study Questions]
1. Why is the book of Lamentations well named?
2. How has Lamentations been grouped and placed in the Bible?
3, 4. What evidence is there for Jeremiah’s writership?
5. By what reasoning do we arrive at the time of writing?
6. What is interesting in the style and construction of Lamentations?
7. What grief does Jeremiah express, but what hope remains?
8. What desolation is described in the first poem, but how does Jerusalem personified express herself?
9. (a) From whom has calamity come on Jerusalem? (b) How does Jeremiah speak of the scorn heaped on her and of the terrible conditions in the city?
10. As a basis for hope, what qualities of God does Jeremiah mention?
11. In what ways has Jehovah’s burning anger been poured out on Zion, and why?
12. What humble appeal is made in the fifth poem?
13. What confidence does Lamentations express, yet why is it beneficial in showing the severity of God?
14. What divine warnings and prophecies are shown by Lamentations to be fulfilled, and how does the book tie in with other inspired writings?
15. To what “new days” does Lamentations point forward?
Writer: Jeremiah
Place Written: Near Jerusalem
Writing Completed: 607 B.C.E.
THIS book of the inspired Scriptures is certainly well named. It is a lament expressing deep sorrow over that calamitous happening in the history of God’s chosen people, the destruction of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. by Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon. In Hebrew this book is named by its first word, ´Eh·khah´!, meaning “How!” The translators of the Greek Septuagint called the book Thre´noi, which means “Dirges; Laments.” The Babylonian Talmud uses the term Qi·nohth´, which means “Dirges; Elegies.” It was Jerome, writing in Latin, who named it Lamentationes, from which the English title comes.
2 In English versions of the Bible, Lamentations is placed after Jeremiah, but in the Hebrew canon, it is usually found in the Hagiographa, or Writings, along with The Song of Solomon, Ruth, Ecclesiastes, and Esther—a small group collectively known as the five Meghil·lohth´ (Rolls). In some modern Hebrew Bibles, it is placed between Ruth or Esther and Ecclesiastes, but in ancient copies it is said to have followed Jeremiah, as it does in our Bible today.
3 The book does not name the writer. Yet, there is little doubt it was Jeremiah. In the Greek Septuagint, the book carries this preface: “And it occurred that, after Israel had been taken captive and Jerusalem had been desolated, Jeremiah sat down weeping and lamented with this lamentation over Jerusalem and said.” Jerome considered these words spurious and omitted them from his version. However, the ascribing of Lamentations to Jeremiah is the accepted tradition of the Jews and is confirmed by the Syriac version, the Latin Vulgate, the Targum of Jonathan, and the Babylonian Talmud, among others.
4 Some critics have tried to prove that Jeremiah did not write Lamentations. However, A Commentary on the Holy Bible cites as evidence of Jeremiah’s writership “the vivid descriptions of Jerusalem in chs. 2 and 4, which are evidently the pen-pictures of an eyewitness; likewise the strongly sympathetic temper and prophetic spirit of the poems throughout, as well as their style, phraseology, and thought, which are all so characteristic of Jeremiah.” There are many parallel expressions in Lamentations and Jeremiah, such as that of the extreme sorrow of ‘eyes running down with waters (tears)’ (Lam. 1:16; 2:11; 3:48, 49; Jer. 9:1; 13:17; 14:17) and those of disgust at the prophets and priests because of their corruption. (Lam. 2:14; 4:13, 14; Jer. 2:34; 5:30, 31; 14:13, 14) The passages at Jeremiah 8:18-22 and 14:17, 18 show that Jeremiah was quite capable of the mournful style of Lamentations.
5 The time of writing is generally agreed to have been soon after the fall of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. The horror of both the siege and the burning of the city was still fresh in Jeremiah’s mind, and his anguish is vividly expressed. One commentator remarks that no single facet of sorrow is fully exploited in any given place, but each returns again and again in the several poems. Then he says: “This tumult of thought . . . is one of the very strongest evidences that the book stands close to the events and emotions it purports to communicate.”
6 The construction of Lamentations is of great interest to the Bible scholar. There are five chapters, that is, five lyric poems. The first four are acrostic, with each verse beginning successively with one of the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. On the other hand, the third chapter has 66 verses, so that 3 successive verses begin with the same letter before passing on to the next letter. The fifth poem is not acrostic, though it does have 22 verses.
7 Lamentations expresses overwhelming grief at the siege, capture, and destruction of Jerusalem by Nebuchadnezzar, and it is unsurpassed in any literature for its vividness and pathos. The writer expresses deep sorrow over the desolation, misery, and confusion that he views. Famine, sword, and other horrors have brought dreadful suffering to the city—all as a direct penalty from God, on account of the sins of the people, the prophets, and the priests. However, hope and faith in Jehovah remain, and to him go the prayers for restoration.
CONTENTS OF LAMENTATIONS
8 “O how she has come to sit solitary, the city that was abundant with people!” Thus the first poem opens its lament. The daughter of Zion was a princess, but her lovers have abandoned her and her people have gone into exile. Her gates are laid desolate. Jehovah has punished her for the abundance of her transgressions. She has lost her splendor. Her adversaries have laughed over her collapse. She has gone down in a wondrous manner and has no comforter, and her remaining people are hungry. She (Jerusalem personified) asks: “Does there exist any pain like my pain?” She stretches out her hands and says: “Jehovah is righteous, for it is against his mouth that I have rebelled.” (1:1, 12, 18) She calls on Jehovah to bring calamity on her exulting enemies, even as he has done on her.
9 “O how Jehovah in his anger beclouds the daughter of Zion!” (2:1) The second poem shows that it is Jehovah himself who has thrown down to earth the beauty of Israel. He has caused festival and Sabbath to be forgotten, and he has cast off his altar and sanctuary. Oh, the pathetic sights in Jerusalem! Jeremiah exclaims: “My eyes have come to their end in sheer tears. My intestines are in a ferment. My liver has been poured out to the very earth, on account of the crash of the daughter of my people.” (2:11) To what shall he liken the daughter of Jerusalem? How shall he comfort the daughter of Zion? Her own prophets proved worthless and unsatisfying. Now passersby laugh scornfully at her: “Is this the city of which they used to say, ‘It is the perfection of prettiness, an exultation for all the earth’?” (2:15) Her enemies have opened their mouth and whistled and ground their teeth, saying, ‘This is the day we have hoped for to swallow her down.’ Her children faint for famine, and women eat their own offspring. Corpses litter the streets. “In the day of the wrath of Jehovah there proved to be no escapee or survivor.”—2:16, 22.
10 The third poem, of 66 verses, stresses Zion’s hope in God’s mercy. By many metaphors the prophet shows that it is Jehovah who has brought the captivity and desolation. In the bitterness of the situation, the writer asks God to remember his affliction and expresses faith in the loving-kindness and mercies of Jehovah. Three successive verses begin with “Good” and show the propriety of waiting for salvation from Jehovah. (3:25-27) Jehovah has caused grief, but he will also show mercy. But for now, despite confession of rebellion, Jehovah has not forgiven; he has blocked the prayers of his people and made them “mere offscouring and refuse.” (3:45) With bitter tears the prophet recalls that his enemies hunted for him as for a bird. However, Jehovah drew near to him in the pit and said: “Do not be afraid.” He calls on Jehovah to answer the reproach of the enemy: “You will pursue in anger and annihilate them from under the heavens of Jehovah.”—3:57, 66.
11 “O how the gold that shines becomes dim, the good gold!” (4:1) The fourth poem bemoans the faded glory of Jehovah’s temple, whose stones are poured out in the streets. The precious sons of Zion have become of little value, like jars of earthenware. There is neither water nor bread, and those raised in luxury “have had to embrace ash heaps.” (4:5) The punishment is even greater than that for the sin of Sodom. The Nazirites, once ‘purer than snow and whiter than milk,’ have become “darker than blackness itself” and are all shriveled up. (4:7, 8) Better to have been slain by the sword than die by the famine, at a time when women have boiled their own children! Jehovah has poured out his burning anger. The unbelievable has happened—the adversary has come into the gates of Jerusalem! And why? “Because of the sins of her prophets, the errors of her priests,” who poured out righteous blood. (4:13) The face of Jehovah is not toward them. However, the error of the daughter of Zion has come to its finish, and she will not again be carried into exile. Now it is your turn, O daughter of Edom, to drink the bitter cup of Jehovah!
12 The fifth poem opens with an appeal to Jehovah to remember his orphaned people. The inhabitants of Jerusalem are pictured as speaking. It is their forefathers that have sinned, and it is their error the people must now bear. Mere servants rule over them, and they are tortured by pangs of hunger. The exultation of their heart has ceased, and their dancing has been changed into mourning. They are sick at heart. Humbly they acknowledge Jehovah: “As for you, O Jehovah, to time indefinite you will sit. Your throne is for generation after generation.” They cry out: “Bring us back, O Jehovah, to yourself, and we shall readily come back. Bring new days for us as in the long ago. However, you have positively rejected us. You have been indignant toward us very much.”—5:19-22.
WHY BENEFICIAL
13 The book of Lamentations expresses Jeremiah’s complete confidence in God. In the very depths of sorrow and crushing defeat, with absolutely no hope of comfort from any human source, the prophet looks forward to salvation by the hand of the great God of the universe, Jehovah. Lamentations should inspire obedience and integrity in all true worshipers, while at the same time providing a fearsome warning concerning those who disregard the greatest name and what it stands for. History does not show another ruined city lamented in such pathetic and touching language. It is certainly of benefit in describing the severity of God toward those who continue to be rebellious, stiff-necked, and unrepentant.
14 Lamentations is also beneficial in showing the fulfillment of a number of divine warnings and prophecies. (Lam. 1:2—Jer. 30:14; Lam. 2:15—Jer. 18:16; Lam. 2:17—Lev. 26:17; Lam. 2:20—Deut. 28:53) Also note that Lamentations provides vivid testimony to the fulfillment of Deuteronomy 28:63-65. Moreover, the book contains a number of references to other parts of the sacred Scriptures. (Lam. 2:15—Ps. 48:2; Lam. 3:24—Ps. 119:57) Daniel 9:5-14 corroborates Lamentations 1:5 and 3:42 in showing that the calamity came on account of the people’s own transgressions.
15 Heartrending indeed is the tragic plight of Jerusalem! Amid all of this, Lamentations voices confidence that Jehovah will show loving-kindness and mercy and that he will remember Zion and bring her back. (Lam. 3:31, 32; 4:22) It expresses hope in “new days” like the days of long ago when Kings David and Solomon reigned in Jerusalem. There is still Jehovah’s covenant with David for an everlasting kingdom! “His mercies will certainly not come to an end. They are new each morning.” And they will continue toward those who love Jehovah until, under his righteous Kingdom rule, every creature that lives will exclaim in thankfulness: “Jehovah is my share.”—5:21; 3:22-24.
[Footnotes]
1952, edited by J. R. Dummelow, page 483.
Studies in the Book of Lamentations, 1954, Norman K. Gottwald, page 31.
[Study Questions]
1. Why is the book of Lamentations well named?
2. How has Lamentations been grouped and placed in the Bible?
3, 4. What evidence is there for Jeremiah’s writership?
5. By what reasoning do we arrive at the time of writing?
6. What is interesting in the style and construction of Lamentations?
7. What grief does Jeremiah express, but what hope remains?
8. What desolation is described in the first poem, but how does Jerusalem personified express herself?
9. (a) From whom has calamity come on Jerusalem? (b) How does Jeremiah speak of the scorn heaped on her and of the terrible conditions in the city?
10. As a basis for hope, what qualities of God does Jeremiah mention?
11. In what ways has Jehovah’s burning anger been poured out on Zion, and why?
12. What humble appeal is made in the fifth poem?
13. What confidence does Lamentations express, yet why is it beneficial in showing the severity of God?
14. What divine warnings and prophecies are shown by Lamentations to be fulfilled, and how does the book tie in with other inspired writings?
15. To what “new days” does Lamentations point forward?
How You Can Cope
“I FELT a lot of pressure on me to hold in my feelings,” explains Mike, in recalling his father’s death. It taught him a valuable lesson. So when Mike’s friend lost his grandfather, what did Mike say? “A couple of years ago I would have patted him on the shoulder and said, ‘Be a man.’ But now I touched his arm and said, ‘Feel however you have to feel. It will help you to deal with it. If you want me to go, I’ll go. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. But don’t be afraid to feel.’”
MaryAnne also felt pressure to hold in her feelings when her husband died. “I was so worried about being a good example to others,” she recalls, “that I did not permit myself the normal feelings. I felt that’s what others expected of me. But I eventually learned that trying to be a pillar of strength for others wasn’t helping me. I began analyzing my situation and saying, ‘Pick yourself up now. You’ve wallowed in self-pity long enough. Cry if you have to cry. Don’t try to be too strong. Get it out of your system.’”
So both Mike and MaryAnne recommend: Let yourself grieve! And mental health experts agree. As the book Death and Grief in the Family notes: “The most important thing about grieving is to do it, to go through the process of healing.” Why?
“It’s a release,” one psychologist told Awake! “Releasing your feelings can relieve the pressure you’re under.” Another doctor added: “The natural expression of emotions, if coupled with understanding and accurate information, lets the person put his feelings in proper perspective.”
Of course, not everyone expresses grief in the same way. And such factors as whether the loved one died suddenly or death came after a long illness would have a bearing on the emotional reaction of the survivors. But one thing appears certain: Repressing your feelings can be harmful both physically and emotionally. So don’t be afraid to release your grief. But how?
Releasing Grief—How?
Talking can be a helpful release. As Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” So talking about your feelings to “a true companion” who will listen patiently and sympathetically can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) And if the listener is a bereaved person who has effectively dealt with his own loss you may be able to glean some practical suggestions on how you can cope.
Communicating your feelings can also help to clear up misunderstandings. Teresea explains: “We heard of other couples that got divorced after losing a child, and we didn’t want that to happen to us. So any time we felt angry, wanting to blame each other, we would talk it out. I think we really grew closer together by doing that.” Thus talking out your feelings can help you to understand that another may grieve differently.
Cindy found that talking out her feelings with a close friend helped her to cope when her mother died. She recalls: “My friend was always there for me. She cried with me. She talked with me. I could just be so open with my emotions, and that was important to me. I didn’t have to be embarrassed about crying.”
Cindy touches on something else that can facilitate the release of grief—crying. In many cases the tears flow automatically. But in some cultures people repress this valuable outlet. How so? Explains the book The Sorrow and the Fury: “Society regards as inferior anyone who sheds tears when he feels hurt, angry or lonely. The medals belong to the stoics, pained though they may feel within.”
Especially do men often feel the need to hold back tears. After all, they are taught, a “real” man doesn’t cry. A healthy attitude? Answers the book Recovering From the Loss of a Child: “The honest gut emotion of cleansing the soul with tears of grief is akin to lancing a wound to drain the infection. A man or a woman is entitled to the right of expiating sorrow.”
And the Bible agrees. Thus, we read how “Abraham came in to bewail Sarah [his wife] and to weep over her,” and how David “began to wail and weep” when King Saul and Jonathan died. (Genesis 23:2; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12) And what about Jesus Christ? Surely he was a “real” man beyond compare. Yet when his dear friend Lazarus died, Jesus “groaned in the spirit and became troubled,” and shortly afterward he “gave way to tears.” (John 11:33, 35) So, then, is it really unmanly to cry?
Dealing With Guilt
As noted in the previous articles, some have feelings of guilt after losing a loved one in death. Realizing that it’s rather normal to feel that way can be helpful in itself. And, here again, don’t keep such feelings to yourself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide a necessary release.
Perhaps you feel that some neglect on your part contributed to your loved one’s death. If so, realize that no matter how much we love another person, we can’t control his or her life. We can’t prevent “time and unforeseen occurrence” from befalling those we love. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Besides, no doubt your motives weren’t bad. For example, in not making a doctor’s appointment sooner, did you intend for your loved one to get sick and die? Of course not! Then are you really guilty of causing that one’s death?
Teresea learned to deal with the guilt after her daughter died in a car accident. She explains: “I felt guilty that I had sent her out. But I came to realize that it was ridiculous to feel that way. There was nothing wrong with sending her with her father to run an errand. It was just a terrible accident.”
‘But there are so many things I wish I had said or done,’ you may say. True, but who of us can say that we’ve been the perfect father, mother, or child? The Bible reminds us: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man.” (James 3:2; Romans 5:12) So accept the fact that you are not perfect. Dwelling upon all kinds of “if onlys” won’t change anything, but it may slow up your recovery.
If you feel that your guilt is real, not imagined, then consider the most important factor of all in allaying guilt—God’s forgiveness. The Bible assures us: “If you kept a record of our sins, who could escape being condemned? But you forgive us, so that we should reverently obey you.” (Psalm 130:3, 4, Today’s English Version) You can’t move back into the past and change anything. But you can beg God’s forgiveness for past mistakes. Then what? Well, if God promises to wipe the slate clean, shouldn’t you do the same?—Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9.
Dealing With Anger
Do you also feel a bit angry, perhaps at doctors, nurses, friends, or even the one that died? Realize that this, too, is a rather common reaction to loss. Why? Explains one psychologist: “Hurt and anger go together. For example, when someone hurts your feelings, you have a tendency to get angry. Anger is a protective, defensive emotion.”
So ask yourself: ‘Why am I angry?’ If you can’t come up with a satisfactory answer, then perhaps your anger is the natural accompaniment of the hurt you feel. Recognizing this can help. As the book The Sorrow and the Fury explains: “Only by becoming aware of the anger—not acting on it but knowing you feel it—can you be free of its destructive effect.”
It may also help to express the anger. How? Certainly not in uncontrolled outbursts. The Bible warns that prolonged anger can be dangerous. (Proverbs 14:29, 30) But some express their anger in writing. One widow reported that she would write down her feelings and then days later read over what she had written. She found this a helpful release. Others find that vigorously exercising when they are angry helps. And you may find comfort in talking about it with an understanding friend.
While it’s important to be open and honest about your feelings, a word of caution is in order. Explains the book The Ultimate Loss: “There must be a distinction drawn between expressing [anger or frustration], one to another, and dumping it on each other. . . . We need to let each other know that while we are acting out our emotions, we are not blaming each other for causing them.” So be mindful of talking out your feelings in a nonthreatening way.—Proverbs 18:21.
Beyond these suggestions, there is another aid in coping with grief. ‘What is that?’ you ask.
Help From God
The Bible assures us: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) Yes, more than anything else, a relationship with God can help you to cope with the death of someone you love. How?
First, it can help you to deal with your grief now. Many of the practical suggestions offered thus far have been based on God’s Word, the Bible. Applying such principles can help you cope.
In addition, do not underestimate the value of prayer. The Bible urges us: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) If, as we’ve already noted, talking out your feelings to a sympathetic friend can help, how much more so will pouring out your heart to “the God of all comfort” help you.—2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.
It’s not that the benefits of prayer are just psychological. The “Hearer of prayer” promises to give holy spirit to his servants who sincerely ask for it. (Psalm 65:2; Luke 11:13) And that holy spirit, or active force, can equip you with “power beyond what is normal” to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7) Remember: There is no problem that a faithful servant faces that God cannot help him to endure.—Compare 1 Corinthians 10:13.
A second way that a relationship with God helps us to cope with grief is that it inspires hope. Consider: How would you feel if you knew that it was possible to be reunited with your dead loved one in the near future right here on earth under righteous conditions? A thrilling prospect indeed! But is it realistic? Jesus promised: “The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.”—John 5:28, 29; Revelation 20:13; 21:3, 4.
Can we really believe such a promise? Well, since Jehovah God created life in the first place, should he not be capable of restoring to life someone who has already lived? Further, since “God, who cannot lie,” has promised to do so, can he not be trusted to carry out his word?—Titus 1:2; Isaiah 55:10, 11.
Mike firmly believes so. With strong faith in that resurrection hope, he notes: “I’ve got to think about what I should be doing to please God now, so that when my dad comes back in the resurrection, I’ll be there to meet him.”
Jehovah’s Witnesses will gladly assist you to learn more about this heart-stirring hope. Such hope makes a difference. No, it doesn’t eliminate the pain, but it can make it easier to bear. That doesn’t mean that you’ll no longer cry or will forget your loved one. But you can recover. And as you do, what you have experienced can make you more understanding and sympathetic in helping others to cope with a similar loss.
[Footnotes]
It should be noted that in some cases there may be a need for professional help, especially if the bereaved one has a history of mental health problems or has suicidal symptoms. For guidelines, please see Awake! of October 22, 1981, pages 24 and 25.
Some Practical Suggestions
Rely on friends: If others offer to help, let them. Understand that it may be their way of showing you how they feel; perhaps they can’t find the right words.
Take care of your health: Your body needs sufficient rest, healthful exercise, and proper nourishment as much as ever. If you’ve been neglecting your health, a checkup by your family doctor might be in order.
Postpone major decisions: If possible, why not wait until you are thinking more clearly before you decide whether to sell your house or to change your job?—Proverbs 21:5.
Make allowances for others: Try to be patient. Realize that it’s awkward for them. Not knowing what to say, they may clumsily say the wrong thing.
Don’t be unduly anxious: You may find yourself worrying, ‘What will become of me now?’ The Bible counsels to take one day at a time. “Living more on a day-to-day basis really helps me,” explains one widow.—Matthew 6:25-34.
“I FELT a lot of pressure on me to hold in my feelings,” explains Mike, in recalling his father’s death. It taught him a valuable lesson. So when Mike’s friend lost his grandfather, what did Mike say? “A couple of years ago I would have patted him on the shoulder and said, ‘Be a man.’ But now I touched his arm and said, ‘Feel however you have to feel. It will help you to deal with it. If you want me to go, I’ll go. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. But don’t be afraid to feel.’”
MaryAnne also felt pressure to hold in her feelings when her husband died. “I was so worried about being a good example to others,” she recalls, “that I did not permit myself the normal feelings. I felt that’s what others expected of me. But I eventually learned that trying to be a pillar of strength for others wasn’t helping me. I began analyzing my situation and saying, ‘Pick yourself up now. You’ve wallowed in self-pity long enough. Cry if you have to cry. Don’t try to be too strong. Get it out of your system.’”
So both Mike and MaryAnne recommend: Let yourself grieve! And mental health experts agree. As the book Death and Grief in the Family notes: “The most important thing about grieving is to do it, to go through the process of healing.” Why?
“It’s a release,” one psychologist told Awake! “Releasing your feelings can relieve the pressure you’re under.” Another doctor added: “The natural expression of emotions, if coupled with understanding and accurate information, lets the person put his feelings in proper perspective.”
Of course, not everyone expresses grief in the same way. And such factors as whether the loved one died suddenly or death came after a long illness would have a bearing on the emotional reaction of the survivors. But one thing appears certain: Repressing your feelings can be harmful both physically and emotionally. So don’t be afraid to release your grief. But how?
Releasing Grief—How?
Talking can be a helpful release. As Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” So talking about your feelings to “a true companion” who will listen patiently and sympathetically can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) And if the listener is a bereaved person who has effectively dealt with his own loss you may be able to glean some practical suggestions on how you can cope.
Communicating your feelings can also help to clear up misunderstandings. Teresea explains: “We heard of other couples that got divorced after losing a child, and we didn’t want that to happen to us. So any time we felt angry, wanting to blame each other, we would talk it out. I think we really grew closer together by doing that.” Thus talking out your feelings can help you to understand that another may grieve differently.
Cindy found that talking out her feelings with a close friend helped her to cope when her mother died. She recalls: “My friend was always there for me. She cried with me. She talked with me. I could just be so open with my emotions, and that was important to me. I didn’t have to be embarrassed about crying.”
Cindy touches on something else that can facilitate the release of grief—crying. In many cases the tears flow automatically. But in some cultures people repress this valuable outlet. How so? Explains the book The Sorrow and the Fury: “Society regards as inferior anyone who sheds tears when he feels hurt, angry or lonely. The medals belong to the stoics, pained though they may feel within.”
Especially do men often feel the need to hold back tears. After all, they are taught, a “real” man doesn’t cry. A healthy attitude? Answers the book Recovering From the Loss of a Child: “The honest gut emotion of cleansing the soul with tears of grief is akin to lancing a wound to drain the infection. A man or a woman is entitled to the right of expiating sorrow.”
And the Bible agrees. Thus, we read how “Abraham came in to bewail Sarah [his wife] and to weep over her,” and how David “began to wail and weep” when King Saul and Jonathan died. (Genesis 23:2; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12) And what about Jesus Christ? Surely he was a “real” man beyond compare. Yet when his dear friend Lazarus died, Jesus “groaned in the spirit and became troubled,” and shortly afterward he “gave way to tears.” (John 11:33, 35) So, then, is it really unmanly to cry?
Dealing With Guilt
As noted in the previous articles, some have feelings of guilt after losing a loved one in death. Realizing that it’s rather normal to feel that way can be helpful in itself. And, here again, don’t keep such feelings to yourself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide a necessary release.
Perhaps you feel that some neglect on your part contributed to your loved one’s death. If so, realize that no matter how much we love another person, we can’t control his or her life. We can’t prevent “time and unforeseen occurrence” from befalling those we love. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Besides, no doubt your motives weren’t bad. For example, in not making a doctor’s appointment sooner, did you intend for your loved one to get sick and die? Of course not! Then are you really guilty of causing that one’s death?
Teresea learned to deal with the guilt after her daughter died in a car accident. She explains: “I felt guilty that I had sent her out. But I came to realize that it was ridiculous to feel that way. There was nothing wrong with sending her with her father to run an errand. It was just a terrible accident.”
‘But there are so many things I wish I had said or done,’ you may say. True, but who of us can say that we’ve been the perfect father, mother, or child? The Bible reminds us: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man.” (James 3:2; Romans 5:12) So accept the fact that you are not perfect. Dwelling upon all kinds of “if onlys” won’t change anything, but it may slow up your recovery.
If you feel that your guilt is real, not imagined, then consider the most important factor of all in allaying guilt—God’s forgiveness. The Bible assures us: “If you kept a record of our sins, who could escape being condemned? But you forgive us, so that we should reverently obey you.” (Psalm 130:3, 4, Today’s English Version) You can’t move back into the past and change anything. But you can beg God’s forgiveness for past mistakes. Then what? Well, if God promises to wipe the slate clean, shouldn’t you do the same?—Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9.
Dealing With Anger
Do you also feel a bit angry, perhaps at doctors, nurses, friends, or even the one that died? Realize that this, too, is a rather common reaction to loss. Why? Explains one psychologist: “Hurt and anger go together. For example, when someone hurts your feelings, you have a tendency to get angry. Anger is a protective, defensive emotion.”
So ask yourself: ‘Why am I angry?’ If you can’t come up with a satisfactory answer, then perhaps your anger is the natural accompaniment of the hurt you feel. Recognizing this can help. As the book The Sorrow and the Fury explains: “Only by becoming aware of the anger—not acting on it but knowing you feel it—can you be free of its destructive effect.”
It may also help to express the anger. How? Certainly not in uncontrolled outbursts. The Bible warns that prolonged anger can be dangerous. (Proverbs 14:29, 30) But some express their anger in writing. One widow reported that she would write down her feelings and then days later read over what she had written. She found this a helpful release. Others find that vigorously exercising when they are angry helps. And you may find comfort in talking about it with an understanding friend.
While it’s important to be open and honest about your feelings, a word of caution is in order. Explains the book The Ultimate Loss: “There must be a distinction drawn between expressing [anger or frustration], one to another, and dumping it on each other. . . . We need to let each other know that while we are acting out our emotions, we are not blaming each other for causing them.” So be mindful of talking out your feelings in a nonthreatening way.—Proverbs 18:21.
Beyond these suggestions, there is another aid in coping with grief. ‘What is that?’ you ask.
Help From God
The Bible assures us: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) Yes, more than anything else, a relationship with God can help you to cope with the death of someone you love. How?
First, it can help you to deal with your grief now. Many of the practical suggestions offered thus far have been based on God’s Word, the Bible. Applying such principles can help you cope.
In addition, do not underestimate the value of prayer. The Bible urges us: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) If, as we’ve already noted, talking out your feelings to a sympathetic friend can help, how much more so will pouring out your heart to “the God of all comfort” help you.—2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.
It’s not that the benefits of prayer are just psychological. The “Hearer of prayer” promises to give holy spirit to his servants who sincerely ask for it. (Psalm 65:2; Luke 11:13) And that holy spirit, or active force, can equip you with “power beyond what is normal” to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7) Remember: There is no problem that a faithful servant faces that God cannot help him to endure.—Compare 1 Corinthians 10:13.
A second way that a relationship with God helps us to cope with grief is that it inspires hope. Consider: How would you feel if you knew that it was possible to be reunited with your dead loved one in the near future right here on earth under righteous conditions? A thrilling prospect indeed! But is it realistic? Jesus promised: “The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.”—John 5:28, 29; Revelation 20:13; 21:3, 4.
Can we really believe such a promise? Well, since Jehovah God created life in the first place, should he not be capable of restoring to life someone who has already lived? Further, since “God, who cannot lie,” has promised to do so, can he not be trusted to carry out his word?—Titus 1:2; Isaiah 55:10, 11.
Mike firmly believes so. With strong faith in that resurrection hope, he notes: “I’ve got to think about what I should be doing to please God now, so that when my dad comes back in the resurrection, I’ll be there to meet him.”
Jehovah’s Witnesses will gladly assist you to learn more about this heart-stirring hope. Such hope makes a difference. No, it doesn’t eliminate the pain, but it can make it easier to bear. That doesn’t mean that you’ll no longer cry or will forget your loved one. But you can recover. And as you do, what you have experienced can make you more understanding and sympathetic in helping others to cope with a similar loss.
[Footnotes]
It should be noted that in some cases there may be a need for professional help, especially if the bereaved one has a history of mental health problems or has suicidal symptoms. For guidelines, please see Awake! of October 22, 1981, pages 24 and 25.
Some Practical Suggestions
Rely on friends: If others offer to help, let them. Understand that it may be their way of showing you how they feel; perhaps they can’t find the right words.
Take care of your health: Your body needs sufficient rest, healthful exercise, and proper nourishment as much as ever. If you’ve been neglecting your health, a checkup by your family doctor might be in order.
Postpone major decisions: If possible, why not wait until you are thinking more clearly before you decide whether to sell your house or to change your job?—Proverbs 21:5.
Make allowances for others: Try to be patient. Realize that it’s awkward for them. Not knowing what to say, they may clumsily say the wrong thing.
Don’t be unduly anxious: You may find yourself worrying, ‘What will become of me now?’ The Bible counsels to take one day at a time. “Living more on a day-to-day basis really helps me,” explains one widow.—Matthew 6:25-34.
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